Seriously Mama

Hellllooooo out there...

2012-01-25T18:00:00.002-06:00

Wow, I haven't even thought about this blog in a long time. Every once in a while I think I should just delete and move on but it's been fun looking back at the first few years of Mommyhood and that in fact I did survive and so did the L's. In the last few years we have moved, lost both dogs to old age and cancer and are now remodeling our 6th house in 12 years.

Who knows, maybe I'll check in more often. Hope all is well in the blogosphere. Xoxo

Brenda

Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for this blog...

2010-01-23T20:54:00.004-06:00

Whoa, it's been awhile, huh? How are you?

I turned 35 today. Notice how I kind of choked on those words? No? Well, I totally did.

35.

Today.

Half way to 40.

I'm okay with that.

Really, I am.

But...

It's time to make some changes. Major changes.

I plan on staying married. I kinda love him.

I plan on keep on keepin' on with the mama gig. I kinda love them too.

It's me that needs some fixin'.

Wanna stay for the ride?

My not so secret affair.

2009-09-16T10:28:00.013-05:00

I'm in a new relationship.

One that I no longer need to lust for on a daily basis.

One that doesn't force me to lurk around just to sneak a peak at him.

There are no more late night website visits, no more pretending.

No more hiding.

No more wondering what it would be like just to be with him.

Have you met my lover?

No, not this guy.

Although I love this guy, a girl must admit that there is room in her heart for another.

Not this guy either.

But if given the opportunity...

Umm, okay back on track. Sorry for the distraction.

And not even this guy...

Except if he wanted to meet me for a cocktail so we could talk about fabulous things, I'd totally be into that. Me and Tim. BFF's forever.

Once again, back on track...

Ladies, prepare to be insanely jealous.

If I have one piece of advice for you, it's that you should get one of your own. Seriously.

My new love. My one and only. My everything.

Meet Wyeth from the amazing and oh so uber cool Hayden - Harnett in Brooklyn, NYC.

Isn't he dreamy?

Catching up or maybe not.

2009-07-31T09:54:00.005-05:00

After officially putting our house on the market and pushing hard to get this place sold, Seriously Daddy and I packed up the L's and drove them to Grandma and Papa's farm in Iowa. Not because we enjoy treating them like livestock but because they actually like it out there. Plans were that the L's would spend most of June out there and then as a family spend the 4th of July together and then come home. House projects took up most of our time. The garage needed to be painted, the basement needed some work. And the bathroom? Oh, the bathroom. It's still half done except the door has been removed so it's more fun to announce to everyone, "Hey, I'm going to use the bathroom so don't look, okay?" Fun times.

We had a buyer who promptly backed out a few weeks before closing. By then I had given up my Blogher ticket. Waaaa! After throwing a few tantrums, I packed up the dogs and we headed out to Grandma and Papa's to hang with the L's. By that time Papa had admitted that he purchased 4 foals from a neglectful situation and he needed a fence built. Perfect. What makes this even better is the fact that he was leaving for work again the next day and my mom needed to get the rest of the fence built. So after a little sweet talking and bitching, Seriously Daddy drove down and he and I would finish the fence.

About 6 hours into the project, Seriously Daddy set a 6x6x8 up on it's end and it fell full force onto the top of my foot. A trip to the ER diagnosed me with a fractured metatarsal. Crutches, pain pills, ice and elevate. Happy Summer to me! I needed my mom's help with the L's and the dogs so in Iowa we stayed. Seriously Daddy commuted back and forth and such was life.

Fast forward 2.5 weeks.

By this time I'm feeling better, able to do more things and was looking forward to getting home and back into a routine. Eight hours later and we rolled into the Town That Time Forgot. I could barely get out of the car. Thinking that this last 34 years has really taken a toll on me, I shrugged it off. The pain in my calf had to be a cramp. Suck it up and get the kids in bed, right? Yeah, whatever.

Called the doc the next morning and the next thing I know I am diagnosed with Deep Vein Thrombosis and learning how to give myself injections in my belly. Three to six months of blood thinners and constant monitoring is what I have planned for the immediate future. And to top off, I seem to be allergic to one of the medications. Woot.

So I'll have all the time in the world to read and comment on your blogs and to actually attempt to put some meaningful content on this little blog o' mine because most likelyI' ll end up in the hospital.

Hang in there, it should be an interesting ride!

It's like the Iran Hostage Crisis but...

2009-07-26T20:52:00.005-05:00

This is the Brenda Hostage Crisis. Seriously. Instead of a diplomatic crisis between Iran and the United States from November 4, 1979 to January 20, 1981, this is a diplomatic crisis between me and my mother (who from here on out will affectionately be referred to as "The Ayatollah Grandmami) which instead of lasting 2.75 years will likely last 2.75 months.

I'll be back shortly to explain but the Ayatollah is watching. Must find secret WIFI in the middle of Iowa, stat.

Chances Are...

2009-05-22T07:36:00.005-05:00

I was the luckiest girl in the world, May 22, 1999.

Who wouldn't love a guy who after ten years of down and dirty real life trials and tribulations, mortgages, diapers and disasters, leaves this comment on her silly little blog...

Occasionally I log on to see what Seriously Mama is up to, and I could not help myself this time. I have to comment.What do you get me? Are you serious? Oh wait... I just checked the blog title. Mama, (can I call you Mama?) you need to know something. The last 10 years of my life have been truly incredible, and being able to walk through them with you hand-in-hand has been the best gift I could ever wish for. It has been a rollercoaster ride filled with hard work, hearty laughs, long walks, passionate love, and recently - poop. I cannot imagine what gift would make my life more whole than it is right now. I'm not sure I've ever said this before, but thank you for that. 10 years is a great milestone, and i cannot wait to bump and roll along to the next one with you.So what should you get me? It's easy. Keep holding my hand... Seriously.

Ten years is just the beginning, baby. I love you. Happy Anniversary.

Sending out an S.O.S...

2009-05-04T21:04:00.004-05:00

I'm not a Sting fan so forgive me for the bad judgement on using his song for the title of this post. I'm classy like that.

I need help. No vow renewal coming up, we are putting the money towards a really great house on some really great property that we will hopefully own as soon as we can get some poor soul to purchase this really great house in this really horrible town. But if you are in the market for my really great house, this town really isn't so bad.

Now my S.O.S

What do you buy the man of your dreams who has put up with your insane online shopping addiction, cooking experiments, bad laundry habits, non cuddly, super independent self for the last 10 years?

I. AM. CLUELESS.

Help a girl out. I can shop like no body's bidness but buying a gift for him? I've got nothin'.

Maybe a home remodeler to finish this project that was started 2 years ago??

Love ya honey but seriously...

Let's get married. Again?

2009-04-26T12:29:00.012-05:00

In a few short weeks, Seriously Daddy and I will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. Does that make me lucky or old? Maybe both?

Ten years have passed since my soon to be husband paced the floor of the church for the forty five minutes after our ceremony was supposed to start, thinking that I changed my mind. No, I didn't change my mind. My dad did. Changed his mind that is. Ten years ago my dad decided to offer me a substantial amount of money to not marry my soon to be husband. Ten years ago, I refused that money and insisted that my dad get into the car and get to the church. Ten years ago I refused to ride in said car with my dad and thankfully, great friends drove me to the church. My dad soon followed.

Ten years ago my soon to be husband's best friend and groomsman walked out of the church during the ceremony because he thought it would be better to vomit outside rather than on the altar.

Oh yes he did.

Ten years ago I wish I would have known about drip-less candles so the wax that dripped on our guests from the only light in the church wouldn't burn our guests. Sorry about the new suit, dad. I really didn't think the wax would be permanent.

Ten years ago all of our guests left the wedding en route to the reception. They left the newlyweds to clean up the little stone church in the woods and find a way to the reception since they took our car as well.

Ten years ago my parents decided to go home after the ceremony and show up at the reception late. Ten years ago, our reception guests ate all of the food and ten years ago my dad was really mad.

Ten years ago my mom and dad should have just realized that I was going to marry him anyway and get over it.

Don't even get me started at what the in-laws did ten years ago. That deserves a blog all of it's own. Seriously. Can someone say guest post???

Ten years has given us a little more incite, a little more wisdom, two beautiful kids and the ability to laugh at what happened ten years ago. And now that these ten years have past, Seriously Daddy and I find ourselves thinking about renewing our vows. The thing is, we are not big into the cheese of things and I don't do hokey. Is it possible to do a vow renewal without the cheese? Is a vow renewal all about the cheese? Help a girl out!

Have any of you renewed your wedding vows? Had a big party to celebrate your anniversary? Share the special moments and the horror stories. I want to know what I may be in for during these next ten years!

It's Chuck E. Cheese for adults...

2009-04-07T10:21:00.002-05:00

I bet you can't guess where I am? In the land of serious cheese and no, I'm not talking the curdled milk kind of cheese.

Vegas Baby!!!

Enjoy a little of the atmosphere while I recover from last night. I'll be back after some pool time.

Snips And Snails And Puppy Dog Tails...

2009-03-22T20:58:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday to my Biggest Boy!!!

Today you turned four years old. It's hard for me to look at you and not see the wrinkly little man that just opened his beautiful blue eyes for the first time. If I turn my head I catch glimpses of the boy you are becoming, the one who will be a young man before I blink again.

But for now, you are still my little biggest one. I love you bud.

This morning you snuck into our bedroom, flipped on the light and asked your daddy and I "Do I look like I grew four years bigger?" We got dressed for church, had your special oatmeal for breakfast. You couldn't wait to get downstairs and play in the basement at our church but you wanted to make sure mom or dad was there with you and your sister. In the future I hope you realize that this kind of defeats the purpose of childcare at church! After church we did our usual back roads drive home and stopped at "the pizza store" for lunch. After eating exactly two bites of pizza you managed to con daddy out of several five dollar bills for the arcade games. Speaking of cons, just last week I found out that you told Grandma you needed "fifty bucks" to buy stuff. I have yet to find that fifty bucks and it never made it to your piggy bank. We'll have to talk about that later.

After getting home and putting your little sister down for a nap you and daddy went swimming at "the old lady pool." Your affectionate nickname for our local pool was born from the only people who use the pool on a regular basis. Kid, you crack me up. The things that make it from your mind to your mouth is enough to get you your own Last Preschooler Comic Standing.

After swimming we met some friends at the yellow park and then headed to the ice cream store. Today was a simple but great day.

You continue to amaze me with your logic, sense of humor and devilishness. You are mature beyond your years. Where does the wisdom come from? You should be hiding in forts made from the couch cushions but instead you try and engineer the next skyscraper out of Tupperware. If it can be built, you build it. If it can be fixed, you try and fix it. My wish for you is to just slow down and enjoy being a little boy.

You are such a special soul, my baby boy. You are truly a special gift that I was blessed with helping to mold into the person you are destined to be. I promise to do everything I can to help guide you. You were put on this earth to fly baby. Your daddy and I were just the lucky ones who were picked to share your journey.

I love you my biggest boy. Thanks for the best four years of my life.

Sugar And Spice And Everything Nice...

2009-03-21T20:17:00.003-05:00

To My Baby Girl,

Today we celebrated your second birthday!!

Last night I snuck out while you, your brother and daddy were sleeping to pick up a few surprises from Target. I hit Starbucks on the way home and for what it's worth to you in the future, a double shot latte at 10:30pm is never a good idea! So when you ran into bed this morning and yelled "BIRFDAAAY CAKE!!!" I was still trying to decide whether I was still dreaming about Edward Cullen (we'll talk about that when you are a little older) or if it was really time to get up. Umm yeah, you were ready to party and was not going to take no for an answer so we started our day, Your Birthday!!

Daddy made waffles this morning. Peagut (peanut) budder and syoup (syrup) are your favorite toppings. Orange juice and a bitamen (vitamin) and you were off playing. After I cleaned the kitchen and daddy picked up the living room it was present time! A few My Little Pony's, a Dora backpack and some new Dora underwear and TV/DVD player for your room from Grandma and Papa is just some of you loot for the day. Not bad for being two!

After nap time, Papa came over for dinner. We haven't seen him since Christmas so it was perfect timing that his meeting was in a town close to our house. Your Papa loves you more than you could ever imagine (we all do, but he has a special place in his heart for little blond haired girls who adore him.) We had a great dinner, finally had some BIRFDAY CAAAAKE and played outside. Papa left and all you could say over and over again was "Oh Noooo. Papa gotta go. Oh Nooooo." It was very sweet.

Bath time and bedtime were pretty easy. You were very tired and fell asleep like an angel in about 3.4 minutes!

Lila, I love you more today that I did yesterday. You continue to be this little light from heaven that has been given to your daddy and I. The innocence and wonder that I see in your eyes everyday just takes my breath away. I look at you sleeping and wonder how I was so lucky to be given a daughter to love. Our world is brighter everyday because you are in it.

I promise you I will try and be the mother you and your brother deserve. I love your brother for making me a mother but you my girl, you made me a better mother. You and I are cut from the same mold. We have the same facial expressions, body type and personality characteristics. It sometimes scares me to look at you getting bigger because I see so much of myself in you. There will be times in the future that you and I will probably be at odds about situations but if there is one thing that I want you to know it's that I will always love you, no matter what. Always and forever.

Happy Birthday Beautiful Girl.

Tomorrow we celebrate your brother's fourth birthday!

Oh, hey! Hi! Umm, how are you? Me? Well...

2009-03-04T19:43:00.003-06:00

It's alive! Yes, this blog is alive and breathing, can you believe it? Nothing like a month's hiatus to make a girl feel a bit guilty about not updating you on my oh so very glamorous life.

Let's see.

In the last month I have done the following:

Shopped online and spent money I shouldn't be spending but whatever. There are some freakin' great deals to be had.

Nothing.

Attempted to do some laundry.

Gave up and went to Target for more underwear for the fam.

Cooked a few dinners and then when my kids refused to eat, I ordered pizza.

Rock Star, ain't I?

I hate the word ain't by the way but just use it for effect. Did it work?

Uh, yeah that's about it.

So get used to seeing my pretty face around the internet again. I am back babeeeeee.

Missed you all! I'll be making my way around for some comment love.

xoxoxox

And the winner is...

2009-01-31T21:06:00.002-06:00

Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe and I used Random.Org to pick the Disney On Ice tickets! And our winner is...

True Random Number Service
Random Integer Generator
Here are your random numbers:17
Timestamp: 2009-02-01 03:05:41 UTC

Congratulations to #17! I will be contacting you shortly with the details. And thanks to everyone who entered!

See you on the ice!

Disney On Ice tickets! It's another giveaway!

2009-01-28T22:16:00.006-06:00

Disney on Ice is coming to the US Cellular Arena in Milwaukee Wisconsin and I've been given the opportunity to give away another 4 tickets for the Thursday, February 5, 2009, 7:00pm performance!

Join the celebration as 65 of Disney's unforgettable characters from 18 beloved stories come to life in a skating spectacular filled with magical Disney moments you'll remember forever as Disney On Ice celebrates 100 Years of Magic! Play February 5th-8th at the US Cellular Arena. Celebrate the magic of Disney at family-friendly prices starting at $15. BUY TICKETS NOW at www.ticketmaster.com or by calling 414-276-4545. (Surcharges, handling and facility fees may apply.)

Here's your chance to see the show free!!! All you need to do is leave me a comment and tell me about your favorite Disney memory. Was it watching your first Disney movie or dancing with Mickey in Florida? Does watching Lady and the Tramp bring back great memories of giggles and sleep overs? Is Lightning McQueen plastered all over your son's room or is everything Wall-E all that your little one talks about?

Want an extra entry? Post a blog entry about this contest and comment with the link.

Want another entry? Tweet about this contest on Twitter and let me know you tweeted!

Find me on Twitter @SeriouslyMama

****Please leave your email address in your comment so I can contact the winner or check back Saturday after 10:00pm so the winner can contact me!****

This contest will end at 9:00pm, Saturday, February 1st, 2009. Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe and I will use random.org to pick the winner! Please make sure you leave me a way to contact you in your comments! I must be able to be in contact with you by Sunday Feb 2nd or I'll have to go on to the next pick!

Good luck! The Seriously Family and I will see you on the ice!

Not just another Tuesday...

2009-01-20T19:51:00.005-06:00

To my L's,

Today you woke up too early. Today you ran around naked while your dad and I chased after you and tried to get you dressed. Today you both refused to eat your breakfast while I ran around trying to get you packed up for our ride to preschool.

Lila, today you wore your pink Dora The Explorer sunglasses and carried a pink Barbie Igloo lunchbox and danced all through Target while Levi was in school. You spit out your cranberry scone and blew bubbles in your milk when we stopped at Starbucks. You giggled, skipped and cuddled your way through my heart and our day.

Levi, today you packed your Diego Rescue Pack with your very favorite pair of tractor underwear just because you had to have them with you. You stuffed keys, a baseball hat and some stolen gummy worms into your bag for school (I told you you couldn't have candy in school...) Daddy dropped you off and when we picked you up, you marched so proudly out of school with your handmade binoculars two hours later. You are getting so big that I find myself staring at you wondering if I am doing as much as I can to help you become the man I know you are going to be. That smile you have melts my heart everyday. You hopped into the car with me, Daddy buckled you in and kissed you before he had to leave for another business trip. Daddy kissed me and then Lila. We waved to him and told him to have a safe flight.

Levi and Lila, today we stopped for Happy Meals at McDonald's for lunch after school. When we got home, we saw a plane fly over the house and we waved at Daddy. We played with your kitchen, we played with the train set, we played outside. I did the dishes and you both watched a Strawberry Shortcake movie (it was Lila's turn to pick) while I made dinner. You both had a bubble bath and then some ice cream. We brushed our teeth and then you crawled into your beds and fell asleep.

Levi and Lila, today probably seemed just like every other day. You are both too young to understand that today was a very special day. Today was the first day of the rest of your lives. Today an honest, honorable, and hope inducing man became the newest leader of the free world. He became the President of the United States of America. Not more than sixty years ago, his father wasn't allowed to eat in certain restaurants because of the color of his skin and today I saw the possibilities for your future. A future with less hate, a future that is safer for you, more progressive in it's opportunities and a future where anyone can work hard and achieve their dreams. Anyone can. Today was an amazing day.

My hope for you both is that you grow up to be independent thinkers, honorable in what you believe in and creative enough to use your experiences for something that makes you happy. I will be here to support you, guide you, love you unconditionally and protect you forever.

Stretch your legs and run babies, run. I'll always be behind you.

It's a major award!

2009-01-13T20:17:00.002-06:00

Matt at DC Urban Dad's Big Hairy Holiday Fitness Challenge is over and guess who's the winner?

Oh yeah, that's right. Uh huh. Me!

This chick sweated, sacrificed and scraped her way through weeks of tracking everything good and bad. Had a coke, wrote it down. Had some junk, wrote it down. Veggies? Yes, wrote those down too. And you know what? That treadmill in my living room turned out not to be so bad. And wanna know something else? I lost 12 more pounds! I just may live through that triathlon in September.

Maybe.

Just slap me.

2009-01-04T20:04:00.003-06:00

For some reason I thought it might be a good idea to break down the little-er of the L's crib last weekend.

And that's about all I have to say about that.

Guess who's still yelling from behind her gate? "GATE GATE GATE" like I don't know she is locked in her room.

Pray for me.

Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window...

2009-01-03T09:59:00.005-06:00

And that's a new blog design from Sam at Temptation Designs!!!

How fantastic is this? Tell me what you think!!!

I have lots to post about today but first I promised my wonderful husband that we could get this house organized top to bottom before anyone slacks off again like we have for the last two weeks.

Leave me some comment love and let me know what you think about the new design!

Sam, girl you are a rock star!!!

Club HASAY, yo. Week 10. Word.

2008-12-29T08:22:00.003-06:00

I'm guest DJ'ing over at Casey's place, Half As Good As You. Do the Running Man on your way over there and check it. Radical.

Over the hills and through the woods...

2008-12-24T14:58:00.003-06:00

To Grandmother's house we go....

I've finally figured out how to hook my BlackBerry up to my laptop as a modem and we've been tracking Santa on the NORAD website for the entire trip. Because of terrible weather and roads, this 9 hour trip looks like it's going to be more like 11 hours this time.

Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse Ford Expedition...

I wish you all a very merry Christmas. Enjoy your families, friends and the spirit of the season.!

Jingle all the way...

See you in a few days!

Fail

2008-12-23T21:35:00.003-06:00

Today was a rough day in the Seriously world. More snow meant no cross country travel to Grandma and Papa's which meant two disappointed kids.

I was a grouch all day.
I yelled way too much.
I got mad at the stupidest things.
I pouted and felt sorry for myself.
I wished I wasn't a mom today.
I wanted a life that I didn't choose today.
I wanted freedom.
I wanted glamour.
I wanted me and only me today.

And I wanted Spicy Chicken from the Chinese joint up the road.

My fortune cookie...

"Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you."

Talk about a kick in the gut.

I've now got my head back on straight and some perspective.

Harsh reality. It's a meme of the worst kind...

2008-12-21T20:18:00.008-06:00

So after being puked on all day, then having the in-laws over for a last minute Christmas get together, trying to get packed up to head to my parents house in the west-est part of Iowa possible for Christmas and getting buried alive by the the white devil falling from the sky, my bud and one of the funniest guys I have never met, Matt from DC Urban Dad tagged me for this GOTCHA meme. Harsh, dude. Harsh. Here I am in all my glory. It's is now 8:24pm. Both kids are asleep, one of which is in our bed because his room is full of monsters. I have about 463 loads of laundry to do and am on my 6th cup of coffee for the day. Don't say I didn't warn you...

This is it...

1) Take a picture of yourself right NOW!
2) DON'T change your clothes, DON'T fix your hair... Just take a picture.
3) Post that picture with NO editing.
4) Post these instruction with your picture.
5)Tag 10 people to do this..

Now who should I pass this on to?

How about...
Corina at Down to Earth Mama
Kim from Kimblahg
Wendy from Notes From the Sleep Deprived
True Confessions from a Small Town City Girl
Joe from Who's your Daddy?
Casey from Half As Good As You
Sammanthia from The Edge Of Insanity

Confessing my sins...

2008-12-19T08:16:00.007-06:00

Can I get a witness???

Thanks to Father Muskrat for the salvation. Believe me, I need it.

A Seriously Magical Giveaway!

2008-12-18T22:39:00.005-06:00

Disney on Ice is coming to the US Cellular Arena in Milwaukee Wisconsin and I've been given the opportunity to give away 4 tickets for the Thursday, February 5, 2009, 7:00pm performance!

Here's your chance to see the show free!!!

All you need to do is leave me a comment and tell me about your favorite Disney movie. Are you a fan of Buzz and Woody? Does watching Lady and the Tramp bring back great memories of giggles and sleep overs? Is Lightning McQueen plastered all over your son's room or is everything Wall-E on Santa's list this year?

Want an extra entry? Post a blog entry about this contest and comment with the link.

Want another entry? Tweet about this contest on Twitter and let me know you tweeted!
Find me on Twitter @SeriouslyMama

This contest will end at 10:00pm, Friday, January 23rd, 2009. Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe and I will use random.org to pick the winner! Please make sure you leave me a way to contact you in your comments!

Good luck and I'll see you on ice!

Reason # 47,257,361 I won't be getting any Mother Of The Year Awards...

2008-12-17T13:08:00.006-06:00

Even though I try to avoid procrastinating on a lot of things, one thing I continue to be guilty of is letting the gas in my SUV get to fumes before I refill it. Russ is usually good about making sure the tank is full if he drives it but me, not so much.

Yesterday morning was totally chaotic. Russ and the bigger of the L's headed out to preschool before 8:00am and the little-er of the L's and I headed in the opposite direction to do a few errands and then meet up after preschool for lunch and haircuts. Of course I needed gas so she and I stopped to fill up. Pulled up to the pump, turned the car off and while Little-er of the L's was happily watching Toy Story on the DVD player I dropped the keys into the cup holder along with my phone and hopped out to fill the gas tank. It was all of -4 degrees Fahrenheit outside so I was trying to make this a quick little endeavour. Filled up for $1.52 a gallon (woot woot) and turned around to hop back into the car and then had a suffocating panic tighten itself around my chest.

The doors were locked. I was locked out of my car and it was -4 outside. I was locked out of my car, it was -4 outside and my 21 month old daughter was still strapped into her car seat inside the car I was currently locked out of. Are you hearing me, people? I was locked out of the car and my baby was inside!!! After a second to stop the "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit" that was running through my brain, I checked on the Little L who was all bundled up, still happily watching Buzz LightYear and Woody bicker with each other about being the better toy (Woody totally wins in my book) and then ran into the gas station and the attendant looked at me "$38.50 please."

"My daughter, phone, wallet, car keys and my sanity are locked in my car..."

"Well how are you going to pay for the gas?"

"I need to use your phone, please. My daughter is locked in my car along with my keys, wallet, phone and sanity." Please, it's an emergency..."

"Ma'am, you need to pay for the gas..."

"Listen you small town freak, MY BABY IS LOCKED IN THE CAR. I WILL BE USING YOUR PHONE TO CALL FOR HELP AND WHEN I KNOW THAT MY DAUGHTER IS OKAY I WILL PAY YOU YOUR *$^^^@(@! $38.50..."

"Umm, okay."

With this new car came a new key code which of course I never bothered to memorize. So I called Russ and started yelling at him because of course I had to project onto someone else since there was no way this was my fault, ya know. I am aware that this is one of my things and I need to deal better but Russ is totally used to it and fairly immune to the harassment. Thankfully he remembered the numbers but not the exact order so after a few tense seconds trying different combinations the locks finally popped up and the little-er of the L's hadn't known the difference.

I grabbed my wallet and my daughter and ran back into the station and tossed the money I owed onto the counter while this small town freak decided (through her missing teeth and bad breath) to tell me what a shitty mother I was for leaving my daughter in the car while I came inside to pay for the gas in the first place.

Umm hellooooo, I had to come inside without her BECAUSE SHE WAS LOCKED IN THE CAR.

Word of advice...

When you buy a car with an outside key pad, please memorize the code or you will become more competition for me while I try and win the Worst Mother Of The Year Award.

Tragically Male?

2008-12-15T15:08:00.004-06:00

What is with you guys? Seriously.

Why is it that when you get sick the entire world ends but if your woman gets sick it's all "Hey Babe, I know you are kinda sick but I have to go, I'll see you in a week. Oh, by the way, the kids need your undivided attention for the 16 hours a day they are awake and totally be ready to rock my world when I get home." So if you are sick I guess it's okay that the world is ending right? It's like the coming of the next apocalypse, it's when I wish you still lived with your mother because she would love shit like this. You know, just to rub it in a bit more that she knows way more than we do and only she knows how to make you feel better. Or something like that.

Okay, maybe that was a harsh stereotype for all men but it was right on for the one I live with.

Yesterday was a pretty easy going day around Casa de la Seriously. The kids stayed in their pj's all day. We skipped church, ate in the living room and layed around like broccoli all morning. I snuck out during football / nap time and walked to the town that time forgot's movie theater and watched Twilight. Yes, I have been sucked in by Edward. No, I am not a freak. But dayum Edward just has it. Oh so dark and tortured. Oh so dreamy. Not a huge fan of the movie but I have wasted $5.00 on worse things. Walked home and landed right back into vegetable mode. After the kids went to sleep last night, Russ built a fire and out of the miserable choices for available movies on Charter Pay Per View, we rock-paper-scissored our way to Jumper. I roasted some shrimp and we sat down for a little movie snack. The movie was okay but I still had a bit of a Robert Pattinson fever going on so I didn't pay much attention to it.

Went to bed and about an hour later I hear what I think the local farmer's newest heifer giving birth to twins. Cripes I had two children without pain meds and never sounded as miserable as Russ did. I am guessing he had some bad shrimp (although they were perfectly cooked and I ate the same shrimp and have been totally fine) and those pesky little buggers have kept him glued to the sewer pipes all day. Heh Heh Heh.

Yeah, I know he is sick and yep, I know it probably sucks but is it really necessary to moan like a dying moose while walking around with a blanket draped over your shoulders. Please.

Holy smokes! Do... Do you know what this is? This is... A... An Update!

2008-12-09T08:42:00.004-06:00

I'm alive. We just hibernating away this December. Trying not to get buried in well over a foot of snow that has sprinkled down on us since Thanksgiving and the 14 inches we are currently getting. Preschool is closed today, pajamas are still on, fire in the fireplace, Christmas Tree decorated and A Christmas Story is on the boob tube for the 345th time this week. Oh, and I've totally read this book and this book and this book in the last 2 weeks. One more to go and my ADD can focus on something else. I've also been doing a weekly post over here.

I'm in love with hibernating and that's not helping my HASAY status or my DC Urban Dad's Big Hairy Holiday Fitness Challenge scores. It's totally time for a "get your ass off the couch" intervention. Seriously. Yes, I have been on plan with Weight Watcher's. Yes, I have been water cardio-ing my way through Monday nights. Yes, I have been hitting the treadmill. Yes, I have been barely doing enough to sneak by so no one notices that my motivation is wavering. Not that I am giving up by any means but I am lacking that extra little oomph that I had a month or two ago.

So come on and give it to me. Kick my ass right onto that treadmill. I have a triathlon in 9.5 months!!!

Umm, yeah. Never again...

2008-11-25T23:05:00.002-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

We are heading to the 'rents and will be back in a few days.

See you on the flip side.

My Love Man

2008-11-21T21:12:00.007-06:00

Him - Left on another business trip.

Me- Left to try and survive the wrath of the Buzz Kills.

Him - Called to tell me that in case of emergency, look in the glove box of my car.

Me- It's either the glove box or the box of wine sitting on top of the fridge.

I took the more responsible of the choices.

What I found in the glove box made me love him just that much more. Sixteen years ago I met a guy who I thought was the antithesis of everything I wanted. Now today I confirmed the fact that he is indeed everything I ever wanted. Do you want to know why?

In that glove box was a Banana Republic gift card with this written on the card...

"For my Skinny Vanilla Hatte..."

Do you know how hard I have worked to be called skinny? Seriously!

Guys, a sure fire way to score major points with your wife?

Turn your wife into her Starbucks drink of choice. Just make sure it's a Skinny and do not under any circumstances use the term... Grande.

Finally a Club HASAY update!

2008-11-20T20:52:00.005-06:00

Hey HASAY remember me?

I've been here, sticking to the program and trying to keep on keeping on. What I haven't been doing is checking up on you all and for that I am sorry. My goal is to get to all of your blogs this weekend.

I weighed in at Weight Watchers tonight and I ended up with a .2 (two tenths of a pound) gain. I am not worried because I was totally on plan, workouts were awesome and I started to do some weight training. Even with a broken wrist. Hows that for dedication?

At tonight's meeting we discussed Thanksgiving survival tips and our leader gave us a recipe. It's here for the taking...

Help to get not fatter on Thanksgiving...

1- Eat a healthy breakfast. No carmel pecan sticky buns that are a family tradition for me. This year we are doing a cranberry scones recipe with a fruit salad.

2- Limit alcohol. Hard to do when I am going to mom and pop's house. I have no doubt that Russ and I will be doing shots right out of the bottle in the basement bar of my parents abode for therapy. But it's therapy and if you experienced a holiday at my parents house in western Iowa you would understand. There will be 16 people at mom and dad's. 6 of those will be under the age of 8. Thankfully they have a house big enough to hold us all and a bar big enough to hold all the therapy.

3- Drink your water. ALL DAY LONG. Keeping fully hydrated is essential for healthy weight loss. I drink at least 8 - 16.9 oz bottles per day. I know I need to be greener and get rid of the plastic bottles. Baby steps people, baby steps.

4- Portion control. 'Nuff said.

5- Try eating with nothing on your plate touching. Leaving room between foods!

Here's the Pumpkin Turtle Pie recipe they gave out in class tonight. I'm usually more of a whole, natural foods kinda girl. Not a big fan of fat free stuff but I may try it just to see what it's like.

3T Fat Free Carmel Topping
1 Reduced Fat Graham Cracker Crust
4T chopped pecans - toasted
1C fat free milk
1 3.5 oz instant vanilla pudding
1 C canned pumpkin
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1.5 C fat free cool whip

Drizzle 2T carmel topping on bottom of pie crust. Sprinkle 3T pecans on top of carmel. Set aside

Whisk milk and pudding until blended. Add pumpkin and spice, beat until blended.

Fold cool whip in to pumpkin mixture. Spread into crust.

Chill until set. Top with remaining pecans and carmel topping.
__________________________________________

I do have a pumpkin, cream cheese and kiwi pie recipe that is to die for and totally diet friendly. I'll post it this weekend...

Spin-en the bottle. Just not the baby kind.

2008-11-19T19:27:00.001-06:00

Note to self. Do not ever take a 3 year old and a 19 month old to the toy store again alone, ever. Never ever again. And if you are stupid enough to do that, make sure there is a full bottle of therapy waiting in the special cabinet when you get home. Because you are really going to need it. Seriously.

The ever fabulous Sprite's Keeper picked Favoritism for this weeks spin. Re-posting favorite posts, as if! I love her for letting me re-post an old post and somehow I don't feel like shredding any evidence of NaBloPoMo tonight.

Who doesn't love a toddler who talks like a drunken sailor? Someday I will pay for this but I still crack up every time I hear one of my kids swear. Bad mom = me. I know it but I still live to hear them curse.

I am such a child.

So here it is. Another piece of evidence that I won't be winning any mother of the year awards...
_______________________________________

Little-er L is sleeping, Little Bigger L and I were talking about what we wanted to do this week. It was what I thought to be a sweet little down time talk. We were having a moment. You know those moments, the ones that should be written down in a baby book unless you are me who never bothered to do a baby book for either child because I suck as a mother. Someday they'll get over it in therapy. I'm not worried. So I asked the three year old little twerp if he would like to take a trip to the zoo this week. He grabbed my cheeks in what I thought would be a "oh mom, I love you" moment when instead he said to me, the woman whom gave him life, the woman who nourishes his mind and body, the woman who wipes his butt after he poops (outside or in), the woman who makes sure he doesn't kill himself on a daily basis, he said to me...

"No, I don't want to go to the zoo because you are an asshole."

Do I gasp for air, shocked that my spawn could do such a thing?

No.

I crack up laughing and spit my iced coffee out all over him. And decided to do whatever he wanted for the rest of the day because even though he has gotten his fathers looks and demeanor, the cursing? That's all me, baby. And damn I am proud.

Like the title says, Tender moments? Not so much. Methinks that certain three year old little ears have been listening to Seriously Mama talk to Seriously Daddy when Seriously Daddy makes Seriously Mama very mad.

Yeah, they are so going to need therapy some day.
______________________________________________

Here's a little Juliana Hatfield Three's Spin The Bottle for you. One of my favorites...

Things...

2008-11-18T21:39:00.004-06:00

Ten things that have blown my mind today...

1- The little Buzz Kill slept in until 6:30am. Miracle.

2- The Bigger of the Buzz Kills woke up on his own and happily got dressed for school.

3- Got to preschool and there was no snack for the kids. The mom who signed up totally spaced and left the kids hanging. I ran to the store and saved her ass. She refused to even acknowledge the save or the fact that she was responsible for the chaos. Whatever. It wasn't a big deal but still.

4- I signed up for NaBloPoMo for a reason to post some of the things I really want to say but instead I just get these meaningless posts in at the last minute. Classy ain't it?

5- Ran on the treadmill for 60 minutes and then ate half of a homemade pizza. I am still a moron just not a hungry moron anymore.

6- Andrew Zimmern is currently eating a chowder made with Cod sperm. He is a rock star because I would have run screaming out of the restaurant by now.

7- I purchase dog food at $52.00 a bag which lasts Frankie and Ernie about 1.75 weeks. And they still fart like they did on food that was $20.00 a bag.

8- My mother. That woman may have given birth to me but I'm not sure we are related. Polar opposites anyone?

9- My single with no kids sister actually agreed to watch the Buzz Kills on Sunday so Russ and I can have some sanity and do some scouting for Santa. If she backs out I plan on breaking her skinny little, single with no kids, footloose and fancy free neck. Seriously.

10- You are still reading this?

Until tomorrow. XOXOX

Excuses, Excuses

2008-11-17T21:24:00.001-06:00

Battery is about to die along with the idea that NaBloPoMo was a good idea. One of these days y'all are going to get a real post from me. Just not tonight.

If I have any readers left, thank you. I adore you all.

I "worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was "my" true medium, a master."

2008-11-16T21:20:00.005-06:00

37 sleeps until my favorite day of the year.

24 hours of "A Christmas Story" on TBS starts in 38 days. I will watch close to 20 of those 24 hours. 'Cuz that's how I roll, yo. I'll watch it with the kids, I'll watch it baking the last minute goodies, I'll watch it while Santa puts the presents under the tree and then I'll watch some more.

I'll also watch it while my precious little girl says "Oh Shit" for the eleven millionth time in front of anyone and everyone. Because her mommy tends to talk like a drunk sailor.

Someone give me a time out. I triple dog dare you...

Whatever Dude...

2008-11-15T19:38:00.004-06:00

I took my new wheels for a ride this morning and ended up at Target. I know you are jealous of my rock star life but try and control yourself. I ended up at Target with all the other rock stars, okay?

Like every other rock star, I picked the never ending checkout line. In front of me was a guy that I would guess was in his 50's. We chatted about the weather, the slow cashier, etc. Then out of the blue this dude I have never seen before says this to me...

"You know I think you are really cute but those glasses really look terrible on you."

Whatever Dude. I hope you are really 35 and just look 50.

And the winner is...

2008-11-14T19:43:00.003-06:00

Since I wanted to be fair and impartial, Eeny Meeny, Miney, Moe and I decided to hit up random.org for the lucky winner of one jar of wrist breakin' sun dried tomatoes and a $20.00 pick me up gift card from my savior, Starbucks!

A little copy and paste and here we are.

Random Integer Generator
Here are your random numbers:10
Timestamp: 2008-11-15 01:41:39 UTC

And lucky number 10 belongs to...

V @ www.Rotormommy.blogspot.com

V's comment was -

Here's 2 for ya.One night while drinking at home I went to use the bathroom. Instead of turning on the light I decided to use the small nightlight. I stood up a little too quick and as soon as I got my pants up I fell into the door and gave myself a concussion.

The second was I was in middle school down the hall one day and out of no where fell and twisted my ankle. Normally this isn't a big deal but in that time I somehow turned my ankle just right to twist a piece of bone onto a nerve. They found this 6 months later and I ended up having surgery to remove the piece of bone. I was then in a cast up to my knee for 6 weeks. All because of a twisted ankle!

I loved to hear that I am not the only one who is injury prone for no good reason! And I happen to know that V's husband could probably do something fabulous with the wrist breaking jar o' tomatoes and not break his wrist while trying to open it. But be warned, it's a really hard jar to open. Seriously.

So V, email your info to me - seriouslymama at gmail dot com and I'll get this shipped off to you lickety split!

Don't say I didn't warn you...

Answer me this...

2008-11-13T22:35:00.004-06:00

NaBloPoMo is killing me. I have no less than 5 posts half done and trying to type with this damn splint on my wrist is nearly impossible.

I do have a few questions that need some answers though.

1- Why do car dealerships treat everyone like they are idiots? So they really think I am not going to notice when they try and push a $55,000.00 Suburban on me and tell me the payments will be "around" $400.00 per month. Dude, this is just basic math. Spew your crap at someone else. I am not an idiot. Yes, I want the new Suburban but I also want a new house. Sorry, you lose and the guy who's willing to sell me a 2008 with 11,000 miles on it for A LOT less wins.

2- Who give a flying %$#& that the pregnant man is pregnant again? He is a she and she's can get knocked up. It's all in the uterus baybee. And he/she's got one.

3- Vanilla Ice is back with a new album. An album of hip hop and rap classics. What do you think. Had been a hasbeen or still a hasbeen? It's no secret I love "Ice Ice Baby" but is it really necessary to try again?

4- Fancy private sports club membership that includes kiddy care or home equipment?

5- Beer, liquor or wine?

6- Creamy peanut butter or chunky? This is an argument we have daily in the Seriously House.

7- Warrant's Cherry Pie or Poison's Talk Dirty To Me?

8- Open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning?

9- If it's broken. Fix or buy new?

10- Kimmel, Leno or Letterman?

Girls Rock!

2008-11-12T22:38:00.004-06:00

Go here.

Watch this.

And always support your pig tailed little rock and rollers...

You'd better watch out. You'd better not cry or open a jar or you might win something...

2008-11-11T19:15:00.006-06:00

In my ongoing attempt at becoming the way cuter - way cooler version of Martha Stewart, I decided it was necessary to force open a new jar of sun dried tomatoes.

Seriously, it was a really hard jar to open.

So hard in fact that I managed to crack a few little bones in my left wrist.

Now here I sit with a splint on my wrist for the next six weeks. Because I'm cool like that.

Your job is to entertain me. Leave a comment and give me your best version of what story I can tell people so I don't seem like such a dork. How did I break my wrist? Old football injury? Ski jumping in the Alps? Repelling down Everest? Friday Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe and I will pick a winner.

What will you win, you ask?

A jar of wrist breaking sun dried tomatoes and a $20.00 Starbucks card to use when you need an extra little ooomph in your day. Just make sure someone else opens the tomatoes for you.

Now go and make me look like one of the cool kids and not the dorky kid who broke her wrist while jamming out to Real Life's Send Me An Angel and opening a jar of sun dried tomatoes.

A change is gonna come...

2008-11-10T22:51:00.004-06:00

I was working on a post tonight while Nightline was on. This sentence stopped me in my tracks.

Just think about this for a minute...

"The Obama's will soon be living in a house built by slaves..."

It took my breath away. How about you?

And for what it's worth, I think Seal did an awesome job covering the great Sam Cooke.

NaBloPoMo who?

2008-11-09T21:47:00.006-06:00

"Uh, yeah, well, my grandmother just dropped acid and hijacked a schoolbus full of penguins, so its kind of a family emergency. can you come back later?"

I got next to nothing tonight. Except a mouse in the basement. And a pile of laundry that won't be touched until that little furry rat is dead. And a Venti Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte buzz.

Who knows this quote???

Somewhere around 25, bizarre becomes immature...

2008-11-08T20:48:00.012-06:00

And sometimes before 25, you are just unlucky enough to be really immature. And it really sucks to have to call your parents from the county klink. And 15 years later, they still won't let you forget it.

A few weeks ago I was doing some highly intelligent, highly important social networking on this highly informative, highly important website called Twitter and during one of my highly intelligent Tweet's it was discovered that I have been one of the chosen few to have had the privilege of wearing an orange jumpsuit for a night or two. Two to be exact. I was also able to partake in the free flip flops that were given out. Trendsetters those county klinks are. Trendsetters.

As a young student of Geology in 1994, I found out that Geologists liked to drink beer and beer didn't come free. A job I had to find. And quick. Because beer didn't come free unless you were talking to the creepy guys and then it totally wasn't worth it. So I found a job. I was able to get paid enough to cover beer money and rent, keep my clothes on, keep my Mineralogy & Petrology lab schedule (two classes that should never be taken in the same semester) and wear hiking boots to work! Score.

Please don't take what I am about to write as anything more than how society worked. It is what it is and it's not fair, it's not right and it needs to change. I don't agree with it and and shameful that I bought into the behavior and used it to my advantage, even though I knew better. Live and learn. I am not here to judge...

As a cute, blond haired, suburban, white girl applying for a job in an urban big box home improvement store staffed primarily by young black males (hey, it was totally close to school) I was hired for a position that left me with a lot of responsibility and even more freedom. All because I was a white college student. I could have been a total space cadet (I wasn't) and still would have been hired because of what I looked like. They didn't give a crap about my experience or qualifications. It was all about image. This position paid way more than any other position in the store and I could be pretty much on my own. I needed a job and morals were not on the top of my list. Beer, rent, boys and school (in that order) were.

I came to work everyday on time, looked cute, did my job (or so they thought...I was really doing my lab work most days) and didn't get involved with the drama that other employees were involved in. Retail = ReSteal. Plain and simple.

One of my responsibilities was to supervise the department that handled home installations. There were several cute installers that would pop in from time to time to try and score, umm I mean say hi. They needed to give me their material invoices, have me give the stamp of approval and send them off to a job. Mindless work. That is why I was able to get an A in Mineralogy that semester.

There was one guy (of course there was) who was always overly friendly if you know what I mean. Fresh out of the SeaBee's, he was pretty fun to have lunch or a beer after work with. I had a boyfriend at the time (read: current husband) and was not playing into it as much as just having fun with it. Or so I thought.

Long story short, Mr. Honorable Navy Man was playing me for a fool. Not one invoice he ever gave me was real. There were thousands of dollars of merchandise rolling out the back door while I was reading Dr. Mursky's lecture notes. Rhodochrosite, my ass.

One day just after lunch, I started to notice a little different vibe around the store. Then I noticed a whole bunch of cops around the back office. Thinking that another employee got caught stealing, I went on with my day. A few hours later I was called into HR. Wearing a short wrap skirt, sleeveless top and sandals, I bee-bopped my way in the office where I was promptly handcuffed and given my Miranda rights.

Here's where I peed a little.

I was told that I was the being taken downtown (seriously) and was going to be questioned in the theft of materials from the store. They walked me out in handcuffs through the entire store while all the employees stared. I was put into the back of a squad car (did you know that the backseats have indentations where you can put your arms?) and drove me to jail. Because it was a Friday afternoon in a major metropolitan area, the intake room of said jail was full of freaks. Since it was Friday afternoon in a major metropolitan area the jail was also full so I was lucky enough get to spend the entire night in the intake room with all of the freaks. Me and the freaks. Male and female freaks all in one big room. Me, a naive blond haired, white girl in a wrap skirt and sandals with drug dealers, pimps, prostitutes, wife beaters, drunks and God knows what else.

I was able to use the phone though. So, do I call my parents to come and rescue me immediately? Hell no, they would kill me! Do I call an attorney for help? Of course not. I called my boyfriend who was just another broke ass college student with no connections, of course. What in the hell was he going to do? Not kill me is what he was going to do. He ended up knowing more that me though so he filled me in. The detectives were looking for Mr. Honorable Navy Man and wouldn't let me go until they had him in custody. Mr. Honorable Navy Man was no where to be found though. Why step up and be honest when a 19 year old girl can take the fall for you?

So I talked at length with the detectives. They called me "cherubic" and told me they were sorry I got mixed up into this, blah, blah, blah. What they were not going to do however was let me go. This went on for over 20 hours.

Saturday morning, I was given my orange jump suit, flip flops and pillow. They sent me to a "unit" and told me my court date would be on Monday. Thank you and goodnight.

Here's where I start loosing it.

They locked me into a cell with this crazy old black woman who wanted nothing more than to make me her bitch. She petted my hair (I am not joking) and told me how she was "innocent, she didn't kill that bitch." She gave me the lowdown on who to stay away from and what guard would bring you a cigarette and a candy bar if you gave him a little somthin' somthin'. I was too damn scared to sleep for fear my innocence would be taken by a big, black she-male. So instead I asked her if I could read her copy of The Shining.

People, I couldn't make this up even if I tried.

I read The Shining.
In jail.
While not sleeping.
On the top bunk.
Of an 8x8 foot jail cell.
With a big.
Black.
She-male.
Underneath me.
Planning how to turn me into her love slave.

The next day I caved. I called Mom and Dad. They were beyond pissed and hung up on me. They hung up on me during my only phone call. THEY HUNG UP ON ME DURING MY ONLY PHONE CALL.

A few hours later my 17 year old sister was waiting behind the glass with one of those phones in her hand. I was led into the other side of the visiting booth in handcuffs. My sister busted out with "You are way better off in here. Mom and Dad are going to kill you." "See ya sucka. Can I have your car?" "Brenda, there are people having sex between the glass next to us." "Mom and Dad are going to kill you." "See ya at your funeral." "I told them to let you wear the red dress because you are so going to hell."

Mom and Dad posted my bail and drove me home. They wouldn't even take me to my apartment first so I could try and escape. They drove straight home without saying a word. My sister of course didn't shut up. At home they told me to shower and go to bed. I was sure they were going to discuss the best options for putting me out of my misery. But no such luck. I was screamed at starting early the next morning until our late afternoon appointment with my parent's attorney.

Several court dates later, I was charged with a misdemeanor for party to a crime (of which
I had no idea was occurring) or something like that, given my sentence of two days already served and sent on my way.

Except two days already served is really a lifetime sentence of hearing about the reputation I chose to lay upon my self as a convict. According to the people who posted my bail at least.

And they made me move home for a semester and commute.

And my street cred went right back into suburban oblivian.
__________________________________________

If anyone knows the movie that this post title came from you will receive my unwavering devotion for life. Tainted reputation included.

Gettin' busy...

2008-11-07T21:58:00.002-06:00

No, not that way. Jeez. Mind out of the gutters, people. Seriously.

It's 10:00pm and I haven't opened my laptop for over 12 hours. That's busy. There were trips to the doctor, pizza parlor (for them not me HASAY-ers, I had a salad) a Target excursion, and then my dear husband surprised me with a "I'm really proud of you" card and a little cash-ola for a mommy me time shopping trip which I gladly accepted because my jeans are falling off my shrinking hips and I really wanted to buy a new pair of shoes which I totally don't need but I really wanted.

Whew, how was that for a run on sentence? Mad skills I tell ya.

I'll be back tomorrow and promise to do a real post tomorrow but for now I will leave you with this because I have missed my last two Flashback Friday's. It's the last song I heard on my iPod tonight and totally stayed in the driveway until it was over. One of my favorites.

Good Night!

Club HASAY update part one...

2008-11-06T23:08:00.004-06:00

After a full week of hard core healthful eating, 60 minutes of cardio per day and enough water to float away on, I managed to lose 5 pounds this week which puts me at 31 pounds total so far. Getting closer to my goal everyday!

For those of you who want the Weight Watcher insider tips, stay tuned. I'm working on a HASAY tip sheet for y'all...

I'll be back tomorrow with more info but right now I am exhausted and my poor little girl is asleep on my shoulder with a stuffy nose and bad cough. Not to mention I am typing one handed which takes mad skills.

It's just one cold after another here. I hope we get a break soon.

Dr. Knuckles

2008-11-05T20:14:00.003-06:00

This girl and this guy meet in 1992 and after two years of "we're just friends" they finally fall madly in love. This guy and this girl get married in 1999 not because she wanted to wait that long but because it took him way to long to ask. This guy and this girl find themselves with a bun in the oven in 2004. This guy and this girl spend the next eight weeks freaking the hell out and wondering just what they got themselves into.

This guy and this girl walk into this OB office when this girl was eight weeks pregnant and puking her guts out with this guy's demon seeded spawn inside her womb. This guy and this girl meet a doctor. A doctor who came highly recommended by the this's friends. A doctor who would soon be expanding his practice and hiring two new doctors. One of his new hires would be an rockin' awesome, earthy crunchy, mom of two and the other? The other was a ex-marine, hard ass, father of four, military OB who was back in the states after serving his country and delivering babies in third world countries for twenty years.

Guess which OB got assigned to this girl and this guy's pregnancy? Umm, no. The other one.

This girl thought "Hey, what the hell, I'll give him a chance to overcome his reputation and then kick him to the curb." "How bad can one visit be?"

So this girl brushes her teeth, tries to zip up her jeans that are way too close to not fitting, tried to button her shirt that is definitely not going to button, and heads out to her first appointment with Dr. Reputation. Upon arrival at the office this girl gets the lowdown on what happens at every visit. You know, the cup??? This girl gets into the exam room, praying that she doesn't barf in the waste basket. Finally the moment this girl had been waiting for. This girl meets this doctor.

"Hmm, not bad. Friendly, not bad looking, nice handshake. No overt weirdness. Seems intelligent and has a ton of experience." "Definite possibility."

So this girl, this guy and this doctor begin their relationship. There are freak out questions in the middle of the night, there are monthly weighs and measures, there are budding bumps, there are bumpity bump heart beats checks. There are ultra sounds, there are non stress tests. Maternity clothes and yoga pants. There are cute flats and there are clogs. Skips of excitement turn into waddles of wonder.

Thirty eight weeks after this guy and this girl find out about their little experiment they meet this doctor at the hospital. This girl is ready for this baby to be out of her and this doctor says it's time.

This girl's body isn't quite ready to have this baby so this doctor decides to help this girl along a bit. This doctor decides he is going to do a little strippin' o' membranes to this girl.

This girl finds out the hard way that this doctor has hands as big as a gorilla. Seriously.

"Brenda, this may be a bit uncomfortable for a minute."

"Holy F#^$*%) C)#*$@. Oh (#&@#, Are you (#$&@_ )#$&@&^@? Get your damn hands out of me."

"There, that wasn't so bad. If this doesn't work, I'll do it again in a few hours."

"Like hell you will ever do that again. Get me the hell out of here. I plan on staying pregnant forever you masochistic freak."

"Wow, congratulations, your water just broke." "I'll be back later..."

"Umm, okay Dr. KNUCKLES."

This doctor, besides having hands that Jane Goodall would study, ended up being the man who would help me bring two babies into this world. I adore him, not because I too am a masochistic freak but because he was there when this girl and this guy heard their babies for the first time. He was there for the weighs, the measures, the skips and the waddles.

He was there to argue about Obama vs. McCain today too. And any guy who can argue politics while doing a pap smear? He's good with me.

Hope for their future.

2008-11-04T22:15:00.004-06:00

Tonight Barack Obama was elected to serve as our 44th President of the United States of America.

I have hope for their future.

Hope that they most certainly do not understand right now.

Someday may they look back at this night with the same hope and anticipation at what they can accomplish next.

Our exercise in futility...

2008-11-03T20:40:00.003-06:00

It's November 3rd. Day three of NaBloPoMo!!! Today's high temperature in the Town That Time Forgot was 68 degrees! 68 degrees? In November? In Wisconsin?

Unreal. Awesome and unreal.

We decided that since it was such an amazing day that we'd try and get some family pictures at the local nature center. Two of us thought that would be a great idea and two of us? Not so much.

We fought tooth and nail just to get a shot or two. I am still too wiped to even begin to look at our final results. But this is the lowdown...

Get dressed in picture outfits.
Eat M&M cookies and smear the aftermath all over said outfits.
Take the playdough that they were playing with this morning and smash it in each other's hair.
Time to get in the car.
Fight, fight, fight your way out of the car seat until your life is threatened and all thoughts of ever eating ice cream again slowly fade to black.
Agree to get buckled in because we have to drive by the ice cream shop on the way home.
Get to nature center.
Run as fast as you can away from the parental units.
Parental Units dish out the ice cream threat again.
Retreat back to said Units.
Attempt to cooperate just until the picture is about to be snapped, then pick your nose.
Try picture again. Except this time punch your sibling because they are touching you.

Is it really necessary to continue?

I am exhausted and waving the white flag. I'll post some of our results on day four.

Please vote tomorrow! We can't have change in this country if we are not willing to put in a little effort to get our opinions heard.

I'm sure I'll have another good Octogenarian Polling Center Nazi story for you tomorrow.

You spin me right round baby, right round to the polls...

2008-11-02T19:18:00.006-06:00

Day two of NaBloPoMo. Wow, 2 consecutive days. Impressed?

In honor of this weeks upcoming election, the ever talented Sprite's Keeper has selected the topic of Voting and Elections for this week's spin. I am not going to go into some long winded novel about why I am voting for Obama this year or philosophies on why I am a democrat. Not going to hate on the Republicans either. There is enough of that going on, fo sho.

If you have read my Twitter updates in the last few days you will know that my parents and I got into it about Obama/Biden vs. the McCain/Palin ticket. It threw me for a loop and I am still dwelling on it. Basically wondering what in the hell my parents are thinking and even wondering if it's time for a room at the nursing home? Who cares that they are only in their late fifties/early sixties. I just might need to send them to that sunny home in the hills I have mentioned (umm... threatened) to them before.

My mom called from Iowa to tell me she and my dad voted. Not something you would think warranted a phone call but since my mother insists on calling several times a day (love you mom) to tell me everything I do wrong or to give her suggestions on what I should/could be doing, I guess calling to tell me they voted isn't all that abnormal. I hear my dad yelling from the background "Go McCain! We love Sarah!" Silence from my end. I was too busy trying not to choke on my coffee to immediately respond. After I stopped myself from throwing up a little, I asked my parents if they were insane? My dad who once was a card carrying Democrat, has in the last several elections voted for Ross Perot, George W. Bush, and now John McCain. How can I be related to him? Whaaaa!!!

They started in on me about Obama being a terrorist, Biden a crook, blah blah blah. Disclaimer...I am really good at the "uh huh, whatever, you're crazy, nope, okay mom, send dad to the home" responses. It's totally not worth the argument because if you knew my parents, it's their way or the highway. No wonder I was such a dork in high school. My mom wanted a clone (she got my sister) and I seriously could be the milk man's kid.

"What experience does Obama have?" "How can you trust Biden, he's as crooked as they come." "Are you ready to spend all of Russ' paychecks on Obama's taxes?" "Doesn't Sarah Palin remind you of your mother?" Once again, if you knew my mother, you would understand that she is a bit of an ego maniac (hi mom!) and once along with my dad, ran a very successful company that they sold 5 years ago. Once a very, very business focused woman, now a grandmother with nothing else to do than call every hour and clean her huge ass house that they don't need but a few times a year when everyone is home. But anyway...

I calmly presented my point of view to which they just shook their heads. I used the excuse that Lila just shit herself and I really had to go, just to get off the phone. Hung up and let loose on poor Russ. At least he shuts up and lets me vent! Good man, that Russ is.

Two hours later my mom calls again. "Are you sure you know what and who you are voting for, young lady?" Umm, thanks mom but I am now among other things an almost 34 year old, a mother of 2, wife and college graduate. I know what and who I am voting for. Your Jedi Mind Tricks are not going to work through the phone from 600 miles away. Call your other daughter, you might have better luck. She still is attached by your really long umbilical cord. Love ya! Can the kids come and visit again soon? XOXOXO
____________________________________________

I do have another funny "at the polls" story.

It's no secret that we currently live in the Town That Time Forgot, Wisconsin. Our haunted house is a half of a block from City Hall. We moved here shortly before I needed to vote again and therefore needed to register here. The Little-er of the L's was a newborn. I bundled her up in the sling, put the Bigger of the L's jacket on and off we went to go vote! I stood in line with a two year old and newborn for over an hour while everyone asked me what my last name was, where I lived, who my parents were, who my in laws were, if my dogs were dangerous, when the last time my husband and I had a little nooky love (FYI...it had be a loooong time. I had a newborn for cripes sake.) I finally was up to the registration table and handed all the necessary identification to the nice octogenarian, once she finally shut up. She looked on her formal, top secret sheet o'names and promptly said as loud as possible. "Oh my, you are the new people who owe all that money for the last water bill that ______ never paid before her mother died." Remember, we were brand new to this house and to this town. Also remember that I was still trying to wrangle a two year old and a newborn as well. "You are going to need to pay that bill before we can let you vote."

I should have called the ACLU. But instead, I called my husband in a fit of rage. I did eventually get to vote and the water bill Nazi was put right in her place. There is no doubt in my mind that I will get to experience her classiness again on Tuesday.
_____________________________________________

I'm getting a NaBloPoMo blogroll together. Let me know if you want some link love! And head on over and visit these participants. Give them some encouragement or leave a crazy comment and give them some fodder...

Cynical Dad
Down to Earth Mama
Kimblahg
Gaming With Baby
Half As Good As You
Sprite's Keeper
Cool Zebras

Im doing NaBloPoMo, send medication...

2008-11-01T19:56:00.004-05:00

Since I really haven't posted anything of real substance in a long time, I decided that this is a great way to get a push and finally put down on electronic paper the things that have been floating around in my head.

There is still time if you want to join. Click on over to the NaBloPoMo site and sign up.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Last night was close to a big fail as far as candy hoarding goes. The bigger of the L's decided that it was way more fun to answer the door for his "customers" than it was going door to door asking for candy. The little L on the on the other hand? Trick or Treating with wild abandon. There was no stopping her. "Teet" she would say when a door opened and "Cue" was her thanks for the toddler crack she just scored.

When we pulled into the driveway we could see that the bigger of the L's closet light was flickering and it was definitely not some practical joke. Russ was determined that the light fixture just needed to be looked at. He tore the entire thing apart, installed a new one "just in case" and is desperately trying to prove to me that this house isn't haunted.

Good luck bud. This house is totally haunted and I am heading to Mad Town tomorrow to find some freaky hippy to sell me some sage to burn.

If you are doing NaBloPoMo, leave me a comment and I'll add you to the blogroll! Good luck!

Do as I say, not as I do. Club HASAY update...

2008-10-30T22:29:00.009-05:00

It's no secret that I had a helluva week this week. Seriously Daddy (can I just call him Russ?) I hate typing Seriously Daddy, it's a bit obnoxious don't you think? Anyway, Russ was traveling this week which meant I was single parenting the L's. I seriously wasn't cut from the single parent mold and anyone who can do it is an absolute hero in my book. Raising kids is hard and raising kids without any help, next to impossible.

Along with battleing colds, we also had a few visits from my invisible man friend. That alone threw this entire house into a tizzy and made my nights impossible. Picture me on the couch with the little-er of the L's asleep on my shoulder because that's the only way she could breathe, the bigger of the L's feet jabbing me in the ribs because there is no way he was going back into his bedroom. Ernie pacing the house growling and Frankie doing what Frankie does best. Snoring and farting. And believe me, she's really good at that.

Weight Watchers and Club HASAY took a back seat to life this week. I'm not proud of it but sometimes it's hard not to let life get in the way. I wouldn't say that I spun out of control but I did end up with a .8 pound gain tonight. Ugh. That's a hard one to say.

Back on the wagon kids. I have to. I need to. I will. Back to the exercise, back to the food tracking, back to the reality of healthy living. It takes work and it won't work if you don't put in a little effort!

Feel free to beat me senseless with comments beacause I really wanna be a...

I need a Paranormal Evacuation, stat!

2008-10-26T23:24:00.009-05:00

Get your mind out of the gutter, people. I am serious. My house is haunted and I want him, it, that thing, whatever it is, gone. Gone is what it needs to be. Stat!

This is what a little paranoid Google research will get a girl...

From Vancouver Paranormal

Apparitions: Apparitions are considered to be the image of the person that has died. For the most part apparitions are in the category of earth-bound spirits who, for whatever reason, have not passed on. Violent, unexpected deaths, guilt or simply fear of moving into the light may be key factors as to why they choose to remain here. While not always complete, (sometimes missing limbs or mass) this is the way a ghost looked when they were alive. They are reported to be intelligent and apparently can interact with us by speaking. They apparently can create odors, make sounds and move things and this is to gain your attention. As humans, we are famous for being afraid of new things. This entity is simply a human spirit who will retain the same personality they had in life. Some are nice, some are mean, but rarely are they evil, and certainly nothing like the evil entities that are born on the Hollywood screen. They are can be anywhere and if they are real then they most likely are. They can cause hot and cold spots, feelings of being watched, sounds and smells as well as disruptions with any electrical appliances; radios, TVï¿½s, computers, washers and dryers, etc. You may even feel them touch you lightly, or hear moving furniture from another room. They will try to get your attention, and in so doing, could frighten you, but I do not believe that is their intention. Maybe they are trying to pass on a message or warning, or simply want you to know they are there. In any case acknowledge them, talk to them as you would a friend and they will be satisfied. If they frighten you, in most cases if you simply tell them they are doing so, they will stop. Always remember, they are just like us and will usually respect you as long as you respect them. Photographing an apparition is extremely rare, the dream of all investigators, and we treasure this prize!

Umm, okay. Heeelllllooo McFly, there is someone in this house and he doesn't belong here. These investigators may dream about it but so does my three year old and let me tell you, it ain't pretty.

Seriously Daddy left for yet another business trip yesterday afternoon and like clockwork, my friend from the other side appeared. I put the bigger of the L's to bed last night and not even an hour later he's crying, pointing to his closet and telling me to "tell that guy to leave." Ernie's in the bedroom growling at what seemed to be nothing and once again, L's closet light burned out. Let me tell you, this is NOT the first time this exact scenario has played out.

It's February 2006. Seriously Daddy convinces me that I should look at this big Victorian in his hometown. It's on a big corner lot, next to an empty historical Catholic church (hellllloooo, am I an idiot?) I had recently resigned from my job to stay at home with the only L at the time. Seriously Daddy was driving over an hour one way to work, and had no time to maintain the hobby farm we owned. Reluctantly I agreed and one month later we took the plunge and so far we are the first and only non family members to live in this house. It's been passed down through the generations for 105 years. Foolishly I thought that we bought into something great. *Some* remodeling and we would be living in this amazing Victorian, yada, yada, you idiot. Me = idiot, not you. $70,000.00 later we are still remodeling. Sorry for the tangent...

The last owners of this house were the children of the formal owner. She died (in a nursing home thank you very much) two years before we bought this house and her kids were caretakers of the property. Their dad died in the 1950's of a broken neck. He was swimming in a local lake, dove in and broke his neck. (Are you starting to put the pieces together???) The lady, you know the one. The one who had ALL. THE. WINDOWS. CAULKED. SHUT. Yeah, that one. She stayed here and raised her five kids, died and the kids none of which still live in the Town That Time Forgot, sold it to us.

March 2006, we decide to gut this entire house. Late one night I was here alone painting one of the upstairs bedrooms and see something out of the corner of my eye. I see someone walk down the hallway. A 50 something man wearing a dark suit. Thinking that the non stop Sonic Youth and latex paint smell was getting to me, I packed up and headed back to our "old house."

June 2006 we are finally able to move in here. The only L at the time gets the big back corner bedroom. He's 15 months old and still sleeping in his crib. Night after night he wakes up crying, points to his closet. Once L started talking he says "guy guy" while pointing towards his closet. At this point I am starting to think there really is *someone* here.

Episodes like this continue to happen for the next few years. Several times I have felt the presence, or seen something that I know isn't quite right. At night when I run on the treadmill I see a big cat jump down from the built in bookcase. I've seen it several times and let me tell you, there is no live cat here. Just ask Frances Bean and Ernie. And poor Ernie, he spends the nights growling at strange things I can't hear or see. When Levi has a bad night, Ernie lays between his closet and the bed. Believe me now???

I am sure by this point you all are thinking that I am in dire need for a refill on some Lithium but let me tell you, I am being totally serious. Seriously serious.

Fast forward to last night...

L #1 is crying, telling me "Tell the guy to leave. I just want to go to sleep." The closet light has burned out again and Seriously Daddy just replaced it a few weeks ago. I am trying to comfort my three year old little boy while he is telling me there is someone in his closet. I walk into the closet and say out loud "Stop freaking my son out. You need to leave him alone."

If it hadn't been for Twitter, I probably would have lost my mind.

On second thought...

Flashback Friday

2008-10-23T22:40:00.004-05:00

Today's flashback isn't really all that random. But it's my blog and I can do what I want to. Neeeener neener neener...

Every Tuesday night Chag from Cynical Dad does his famous Nameless Twitter Radio Show and last weeks theme was breakup songs. My pick for the night was a Morrissey song because seriously, is there anyone else who can sing a break up song better than Morrissey? But since it's no secret that I am a huge cheeseball, hair band loving, wanna be rocker, I tweeted that my runner up pick was Skid Row's "I Remember You." Morrissey or Skid Row. Which one do you think Chag played? Umm yeah. I was punked. He called me out on my hair band loving geekness and played "I Remember You." Chag, you are my hero. Seriously. You picked Skid Row over Morrissey. I bow to your greatness.

If the Buzz Kills wouldn't have been sleeping I would have really rocked out last Tuesday to a little Sebastion Bach but being the good mother I am, I let them sleep and quietly watched the YouTube video and thought about that rat bastard who broke up with me in 1993. Ahh the memories. Isn't that right Seriously Daddy?

So to make up for missing the opportunity to rock out Tuesday night while dancing around the house in my wifebeater and boxers, I turned my iPod up and blew out my eardrums with a little hair band rock while running on that beast of a treadmill the following day.

I did however break out the Morrissey Tuesday night. Staying up way too late listening to that voice from God isn't always a bad thing. Morrissey's voice could melt steel, it's smooth like buddah. And I'm all about spreadin' the buddah today...

Happy Friday and dance, people, dance. Even if it is in your boxers and wifebeater alone in your house at night...

___________________________________________

If you are here checking in on the Club Half As Small As You front...

I lost 2.6 pounds this week, per the scale at my Weight Watchers meeting. So you know that's official. Then I came home and had a beer and some nachos. Dammit. Back to the grind tomorrow. I am halfway to where I want to be for Doomsday, otherwise known as the TRIATHLON. I am seriously insane. Send medication.

I'm gonna be too sexy...

2008-10-20T15:21:00.009-05:00

So after stalking Jen over at Steenky Bee, I decided to join a little group called Club Half As Small As You brought to us by Casey over at Half As Good As You. You know because I am such a joiner and that's how I roll, baybee.

If this is something you are not interested in, save yourself the ushy gooshy and log off now. I won't hunt you down. Promise.

What most people don't know is that I have been a Weight Watcher for what is going on 12 weeks now and have lost 26 pounds so far. I have some more to loose so, I'm joining this little club for the motivation, yo. Got some words of wisdom? Throw them my way. Want to try and sabotage me? Go ahead, try it. It's not going to work. Seriously.

Our first assignment is to assess this little situation o' mine and answer the following questions to the best of my ability which is a hell of a lot easier than getting my rear end on the treadmill tonight. So here goes.

1- What motivates you and why do you want to do this challenge?

What motivates me? A new wardrobe courtesy of Banana Republic. That motivates me. BlogHer '09 motivates me. I can't show up there in all of my Wisconsin Housewife/SAHM glory you know. I need to be looking hawt when Rock and Roll Mama and I take on the town. I also refuse to be that mom at the park who is sitting on the sidelines, watching. That is NOT going to be me. EVER. I want in for this challenge for the support. Besides my weekly WW meeting, this is the only support I've got. SeriouslyDaddy tries, but his solution? Nachos. And is doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that nachos are not. going. to. help.

2- What is your long term goal?

Besides being rich, rich, rich? I would like to have world peace. Oh right, never mind. This is a fat club, not Miss America. My real long term goal? To be physically fit. I want to do a triathlon next summer and I want to not die while trying to complete said triathlon.

3- What is your long term weight loss goal?

I am not putting that number out here for everyone to laugh at me. Not happenin' hot stuff. That's between my WW leader and me. It's my thing. Everyone has a thing. That number is my thing. Maybe someday I'll get there, but I haven't arrived yet. Lets just say, I have just enough to loose that I won't be going anywhere soon.

4- What tools are available to you?

Mondays, I do a Water cardio class for 60 minutes. And there is this beast in my living room called a treadmill. I hate it. It kicks my ass. But I am co-dependant. I need it. And it knows it. What I do need to add to my routine is free weights. Need to look into that ASAP.

5- How often do you exercise?

Right now I am at 5 hours a week of cardio. One hour per day. I need to up it to 7 hours a week and add in a weight training routine. But not just yet. I am trying to stay alive even if that damn treadmill is trying to off me.

6- What do you plan on doing?

I am going to continue with the Weight Watchers Nutrition Program. It's working and it's an easy one to stick to. I feel great and as much as I was sure that WW was only for bitter old women who wanted a place to complain about their horrible life, I was wrong. It's been a lifesaver. Literally.

7- What has worked for you in the past?

Nothing, that's how I got into this little predicament in the first place. I was once a very active, outdoorsy, white water kayaking in the middle of winter kind of chick. I want her back. I want her to be a role model for her kids. Life is more that sitting on the couch with a plate full of nachos, people! I'm not perfect, hence the lumpy thighs. But I am ready to be closer to it! You know because...

Our weekend in pictures...

2008-10-19T22:52:00.017-05:00

This is what I looked like when Russ called to tell me we were heading out for the weekend...

This is what happened when Frankie and Ernie found out they had to go to the kennel this weekend...

This is what the Little-er of the L's was doing when she found out we were going to the water park...

This is what the Bigger of the L's does when I ask him to cooperate...

This is what the view out of our backdoor looks like. Just in case you were wondering...

This is what a happy child looks like when he gets to stay at a water park while daddy is working...

This is what keeps the Little-er of the L's busy at the hotel. She'd be happy at the local Super 8 as long as they had a luggage cart.

This is what they look like when they are forced to take a picture together and pretend to love each other...

This is what you do when you refuse to sleep in your pack and play...

This is what we were tempted to add to their sippy cup when they decided they were not going to sleep any time soon...

This is what the end of a successful weekend looks like...

Flashback Friday

2008-10-16T22:44:00.007-05:00

This weeks flip of the iPod touch is courtesty of the Bigger of the Little L's. As the two of us were on our way to preschool this morning he asked if he was big enough to listen to my iPod. I cringed a little and then handed it back to him.

This is the song that was cued up when I dropped him off...

Appetite for Destruction circa 1987. Awesome. And the best thing about this song? Slash was totally screwing around when he came up with this riff. It was supposed to be a joke. Twenty one years later it's still one of the most recognizable guitar riffs out there.

Who didn't love it? Who didn't think GNR was cutting a new path in rock upon release of this album?

I'll tell you who...

Some kid who made this comment on the YouTube video

" I like tha song and the way they dress, but the singer sounds like a dying cat and he lookd like s hippy. he dances like micheal jackson. maybe its his real dad!!"

The only response I have to that? Shut up, try to learn something, help make this world a better place and go get your free Dr. Pepper, kid.

Happy Friday and dance people, dance!

I'm in the math club. I'm in the phyics club too.

2008-10-14T13:49:00.010-05:00

In an attempt to win the coolest giveaway prize ever courtesy of Backpacking Dad, I am presenting my essay on which character I most identify with from The Breakfast Club...

"...and these children that you spit on, as they try to change their worlds are immune to your consultations. They're quite aware of what they're going through..." - David Bowie -

High school is a classic case of the medieval caste system at it's finest, isn't it? The minute I walked through those double doors at 7:35am that September Tuesday morning in 1989, I was typecast. No one knew me. I was that new girl. And after a three second glance, they thought they knew me. They were wrong. But they wanted to be right. They would spend the next four years trying to prove me wrong. They never succeeded but man they tried.

What they saw was a curly haired, glasses wearing, music loving band geek who was way to shy and insecure to ever say the right things. They saw this kid when the looked through me...

"And, uh, I didn't have any shoes. So I had to borrow my dad's. It was kinda weird 'cause my mom doesn't like me to wear other people's shoes. And, uh, my cousin Kent...my cousin Kendall from, uh, Indiana... He got high once and you know, he started eating like really weird foods. And uh, and then he just felt like he didn't belong anywhere. You know, kinda like you know "Twilight Zone" kinda. "

They saw the awkwardness. And as Brian so eloquently wrote, they saw what they wanted to see. I was so damn insecure that I found it easier to keep to myself. I had some friends but they were the Allison's of the high school sect. I wanted to be an Allison. I would have been an Allison too, if I had enough guts to let people see me. Instead, I became Brian. I became what people wanted me to be. If I failed, they would be disappointed. If I failed, I failed them. I failed their expectations. There was no room for failure. So I tried. I tried to fit in. I tried to make the light bulb turn on. For four years, I tried to make the light bulb turn on. It never happened. Not from 8:00am to 3:00pm anyway.

They would ask me about music, about help with their physics homework about the other places I lived. We would see concerts together, we would hike the state parks together, we would study at the diner together, they would copy my lab homework. Would they have enough confidence to bring that to school with them? Not a chance. At school, even four years later, I still was "that new girl."

That new girl graduated, third in her class. And then...

College. College saved me from her. College gave me a new start. And I took it and ran. I look back now as I am writing this and want to scream the word CONFIDENCE. I want to go back and give Brian some self worth, some pats on the back. And I want to give Brenda some of that confidence and experience she has now.

You see what you want to see. Just make sure you are seeing the right things.

So tell me, who were you in highschool? Did you want to be that person or was it fate?

I wonder if detention would have given me some street cred?

They're heeeerrrrreeee...

2008-10-12T22:05:00.004-05:00

You know the ones.

The Professors of Poltergeist-ish activity.

The Sultans of Mass Destruction.

The Captains of Chaos.

The Majors of Messes.

The Imperial Emperors of Impending Implosional Indignation.

The ones who can turn your green eyes fire red in a matter of milliseconds.

Yes! Those are the ones and now they are home again. Home from the complete attention on Grandma. Home from the freedom they taste when mom and dad are 600 miles away and if they want a cupcake for breakfast, they get a cupcake for breakfast. Home from complete adoration, you know cuz Mama don't play dat, here. Not most days at least.

I half expected them to barge in the door in their famous bald headed, sweaty, bug eyed "here's Johnny" style. Instead they tore off their clothes, ran up to their playroom and did what they do best. Absolute destruction. And now all is now right with my world.

This is the first conversation that we had upon our reunion...

Bigger of the Little L's - "Mama, L schrooled on me."

Me- "She did what to you, baby?"

Bigger of the Little L's - "Mom, she schrooled on me."

Me - "Dude, she did what?"

Bigger of the Little L's - "MAAAHHHMMMM, you know P H K"
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Because I was evidently totally oblivious to the fact that P H K was the three year old spelling for DROOL. Duh.

Kids, our lesson for the day...

I guess sometimes your the drool and sometimes your the P H K.

Flashback Friday

2008-10-09T23:03:00.011-05:00

After a quick flip through my iPod the Flashback Friday song of the day is...

Good Things

by the

BoDeans

Sunlight fall down on the fields

Sunlight fall down over me

Work all day, be all that I can be yeah-heh

Say I can say words only simple

Say I can say words only clear

But, oh, I can feel your heart is beating near. Yeah-heh

Haunted love is all that I feel, when you're passing by

Haunted love is all that I see, it's there in your eyes

And I say

No, no, no, don't pass me over

No, no, no, don't pass me by

See I can see good things for you and I

Yeah, good things for you

Give I can give love and attention

Give I can give all time away

Only to one heart I can give today

Be I can be man full of color

Be I can be man black or white

But only to one heart I can be tonight

Haunted love is all that I feel, when you're passing by

Haunted love is all that I see, it's there in your eyes

And I say

No, no, no, don't pass me over

No, no, no, don't pass me by

See I can see good things for you and I

Yeah, good things for you

Haunted love is all that I see, it's there in your eyes

And I say

No, no, no, don't pass me over

No, no, no, don't pass me by

See I can see good things for you and I

Yeah, good things for you

Circa 1991. Babydoll dresses, flannels and Doc Martens. Mom constantly yelling at me that I dressed like a slob. Me smearing on more black eyeliner and slamming the door. Grunge was getting cool. No 16 year old should like a local classic rock band. One of many more times I would go against the norm. This local band played free concerts at the lake all summer. You know, the place where 16 year olds can go and do 16 year old things while listening to some great local music. Wishing they would notice the 16 year old kids who follow their every move.

17 years, 1 husband, 2 careers, 4 homes in 4 different cities, 7 misfit dogs and 2 kids later, I still love to see them live. These guys put on the most awesome, truly about the music, audience driven show you will ever see.

You know how you hear a song and it immediately brings you to your happy place. This is that song for me.

I hope you can find your happy place today.

Here's a little video (albeit a terrible one, but it was the only one I could find) of the BoDeans doing what they do best.

Happy Friday and dance people, dance!

And the cherry goes "pop"

2008-10-08T07:06:00.009-05:00

Hey what's up blogosphere? I'm alive and kicking sans kidlets this week! Seriously Daddy and I drove the L's to Grandma and Papa's house yesterday. Turned around and came back to the town that time forgot so Seriously Daddy can pack up for another traveling week o' meetings. You do realize what this means right??? Right??? Right????

I AM HOME ALONE THIS WEEK!!! Well not totally alone. There are two big, vicious, rabies infested killing machine canines that live here too and they will seriously bite your ass if you try and break in, you creepy stalkers, you. So just relax in your dungeon of terrors and let me revel in my alone-ness. Okay?

This is big people, big I tell ya. Doesn't that sound like a Broadway Musical line? Maybe I need a parade of performers, including clowns and a marching band (you know, because the UW Madison Band is a bunch of naughty band geeks and they totally have time to accompany me in my celebration of alone-ness.)

I have big plans for getting the house organized, deep cleaned and ready to be sold but first things, first...

I GOT TAGGED FOR MY FIRST MEME! Thanks to Wendy over at Notes From The Sleep Deprived I am now a member of the cool bloggers club. Humor me people, I am still reveling in my alone-ness. Don't ruin it for me yet. I may never be a Black Hockey Jesus or a Bloggess but a girl can dream. Is my dorkness spewing from these words yet? No? Keep on reading, you'll get there.

So before I get this pit cleaned up (priorities people, priorities) I am doing this meme. Here are the rules...

1- Link to the person who tagged you
2-Post the rules on your blog
3-Write 6 random things about yourself
4- Tag 6 more people
5-Let the taggeees know they have been tagged by your tagdness
6-Let your tagger know when you have completed your meme quest of random goodies.

Hold on kids. Here we go with my seriously random facts...

1- I am an outdoorsy, camp fire making, 10 days with just a backpack and pocket knife, sleeping under the stars kind of girl. I can lash a raft together in minutes, I can build a shelter in the woods to survive a blizzard, I can navigate white water rapids in a canoe like you have never seen and I pay hundreds of dollars every year to a fabulous stylist so my hair color and cut is perfect. I adore great handbags, shoes and I love to be a girly girl. Makeup, nails done, great clothes. I love it. But I am not prissy. Not one bit. Don't get me wrong, Seriously Daddy comes home most nights to yoga pants, birkenstocks and a hoodie but if the Sucker McSuckerton's are having a good day. My girlness comes to the surface.

2- I don't have a lot of real life close friends. I have a lot of great acquaintances and a few friends but I am not terribly close to any one but my family. I have always been like that and I totally know why.

3- I am a fiercely independent woman but I wouldn't consider myself a "I am woman hear me roar" kind of girl. I am about the least neediest person you will ever meet. I am totally fine with not talking to you for weeks and then spending a few minutes catching up from where we left off. I don't need to get all touchy feely with friends and complain about my life or frankly, hear it from them. My life is pretty damn good even without a ton of money or a brand new car or a big fancy house. I've got an amazing husband who continues to drive me nuts everyday, 2 great kids who are happy and healthy and continue to drive me nuts everyday and 2 great dogs who try to sleep on our bed every night even though for the last 6 years, they have been kicked off that same bed every night. I love alone time and am totally fine if I would never have to talk on the phone ever again. All of this makes me a crappy friend I guess. I am however, completely loyal to a fault and would drop anything to help if you needed it. I would love to have close friends as long as they don't get all weird and needy on me. I don't let drama rule my world and you shouldn't either.

4- I hate conflict and will do whatever it takes to avoid it. Take my inlaws for example. They are like nails on a chalkboard to me. But for years I just smiled and went along with it because I didn't want to rock the boat. Maybe it's because I was raised knowing that I had better have respect for my parents and others or else. My way of dealing with the inlaws? Not to see them and in turn not having to deal with them. It works until I have to see them. You see the problem in this right?

5- Even though I love to be alone, I have a gift for small talk. I can talk to anyone, anywhere and enjoy it. Just don't be a freak because freaks freak me out. Not the quirky artsy fartsy kind of freaks, just the sociopath kind of freaks.

6- I despise the town we live in. And that is putting it lightly. Never in my life have I seen more backwards thinking, tunnel vision producing, ghetto fabulous in rural Wisconsin, animal killing, bring your kids ta 'da bar wit ya, big trucks with bigger tires, wife beating, uneducated ain't gonna's, than in this little town of 4,000. I will not let my kids go to school here and happily drive the bigger of the little L's 45 miles to a phenomenal preschool until we get this house sold. My inlaws told me that I would love living here and this town had everything I would ever need. 'Nuff said.

Okay kids, it's my turn to do he tagging! And you had better not disappoint people. Seriously!

1- Kim from Kimblagh - because we share in the love of all things Tony Bourdain and Tim Gunn.

2- DaddyJoe from DaddyusDorkus - because we went both went to school for Geology and he rocked the rocks. Geologists need to stick together.

3- Down-To-Earth Mama - because she digs rocks too!

4- Lindsay from Rock and Roll Mama - I adore her, even though we haven't met in person. She is one cool chick and I hope to hang out with her someday.

5- Chag from CynialDad - I totally think he will roll his eyes at me for this because anyone who does a Twitter radio show and can spin some serious YouTube video tunes is a rock star in my book and way to cool to do a meme. Even though this is my first and all...

6- Will from Gaming With Baby - He knew about Julia Nunes before I did. Badass.

Go forth and meme, people! And have I mentioned...

Flashback Friday!

2008-10-03T07:00:00.005-05:00

Today's Funkalicious Flashback Friday song...

The Spinners - Could I be Falling in Love

It's no lie that I love me some Motown Soul. It's in my genes. And my dad? The biggest Motown fan around. Seriously Papa's got some rhythm and although he is way to proud to show it on most days, he's one cool dude. Growing up in North Minneapolis during the 50's and 60's will do that to a person, ya know. I have always secretly loved hearing stories of what a badass he was. Drafted by the NHL but never played because he broke both legs during a varsity playoff game. One of the youngest drill sergeants to ever train troops for Vietnam. Harley riding, trade school teaching, Nuclear (not Nucleeeahhr) Power Plant building, badass. Seriously Papa is also the most honorable, stoic, responsible, intelligent, classy, respectable, humble persons I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. If my son turns out to be half the man that my dad is, he'll do amazing things for this world.

I can remember riding in the jumpseat of my dad's 1978 green ford pickup truck, singing to the Spinners until my sister and I could barely speak. Stopping for White Castle Sliders, heading to the airport and watching the planes fly over us. Those little moments in time spent with my dad are permanently etched into my soul. Those memories have made me who I am.

The coolest chick rockin' the Spinners this morning.

Or something like that.

So, enjoy a little Spinners tune courtesy of You Tube and my dad.

Happy Friday and dance people, dance!

What I am, Is What I am...

2008-10-01T12:49:00.006-05:00

"I'm not aware of too many things I know what I know, if you know what I mean... "

And what I mean is that this mama has to get back into the kitchen and cook some decent meals, stat.

Seriously.

"Dinner's here" is what we have said more nights in the last few weeks than "it's dinner time!"

How did this happen to two foodie adults with a passion for fine dining?

Oh, yeah. We became parents.

Seriously Daddy and I are both pretty darn good cooks and enjoy food (and that's why my booty is on the treadmill every night.) Back in the day when we were cool, Seriously Daddy and I would spend weekend mornings at the local speciality food shop, farmers markets and our favorite wine and beer shop. Head home with a trunk full of good stuff and cook the night away. We made our share of masterpieces as well as disasters but it was a fun experiment none the less.

But our grandest experiment of all, the L's. The L's no likey our dinners. They no likey my cooking, they no likey Daddy's cooking. They no likey at all. We have gone through the "I only eat hot dogs and mac and cheese stage", the "I only eat pizza stage", the "I only eat fruit stage", the "I don't eat at all but still find time to shit in my pants in huge quantities stage" and the "Mom, I only like Grandma's cooking" stage. Now the last of their stages wouldn't be a problem if my parents didn't live halfway across the country and getting to their house by dinner time would require this family leaving our house 11 hours prior. Not so easy with a one and three year old and two big dogs.

As much as I am ashamed to admit it, I gave up. I gave up the specialty food shop, the fancy wine and beer pairings, the ceramic dinnerware, the traditional Sunday experiments. I gave them all up in favor of sanity and chicken nuggets. So sue me. I know that I created these little monsters and I know I am the one who purchased these foods and I know I am the one who was just trying to stay sane for cripes sake! You can't tell me you serve gourmet meals 3 times a day, now do you? Uh huh, that's what I thought.

It's time for a revolution. A SeriouslyMama food revolution! Can I get an Amen? Who's with me people?

The L's are in for a big surprise. No more prepackaged, processed, camouflaged, mom is a sucker foods in this house. Now that they are both old enough to go to bed hungry if they decide not to eat, we are heading back to basics. Fresh, organic if possible and certainly not shaped liked the latest toy. No more electric blue yogurt, no more tractor shaped nuggets, no more fruit pressed into the shape of notebook paper. No more crap!

So tonight as I am listening to some Edie Brickell, sipping on some Duckhorn Sauvignon Blanc and making Chicken Piccata, the L's will be eating their chicken dipped in ranch dressing. Guaranteed.

I have to start somewhere, right?

Tell me about dinner time at your house. Inquiring minds want to know. Have you been able to get your kids to eat like normal human beings or are you just keepin' on to keep sane?

Seriously? This is crazy.

2008-09-29T08:52:00.004-05:00

As I was cruising through my reader this morning I read this post on A Small Town City Girl and am re-posting here.

This week is Banned Book Week (BBW). According to the American Library Association:BBW celebrates the freedom to choose or the freedom to express one’s opinion even if that opinion might be considered unorthodox or unpopular and stresses the importance of ensuring the availability of those unorthodox or unpopular viewpoints to all who wish to read them.After all, intellectual freedom can exist only where these two essential conditions are met.The following are some of the most banned books in the U.S. I urge everyone, in honor of banned book week, to post this list on your blog, and mark the ones you have read in bold!Then go out and read one of the other books on the list.Never take your freedom for granted!

I am totally surprised at how many of these I read as a kid. Read on people, read on!

1. Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
2. Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite
3. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
4. The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
5. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
6. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
7. Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling
8. Forever by Judy Blume
9. Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
10. Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
11. Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
12. My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
13. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
14. The Giver by Lois Lowry
15. It's Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
16. Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine
17. A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
18. The Color Purple by Alice Walker
19. Sex by Madonna
20. Earth's Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel
21. The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
22. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
23. Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
24. Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
25. In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
26. The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
27. The Witches by Roald Dahl
28. The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
29. Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
30. The Goats by Brock Cole
31. Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
32. Blubber by Judy Blume
33. Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
34. Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
35. We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
36. Final Exit by Derek Humphry
37. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
38. Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
39. The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
40. What's Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras
41. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
42. Beloved by Toni Morrison
43. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
44. The Pigman by Paul Zindel
45. Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
46. Deenie by Judy Blume
47. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
48. Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
49. The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
50. Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
51. A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein
52. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
53. Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
54. Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
55. Cujo by Stephen King
56. James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
57. The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
58. Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
59. Ordinary People by Judith Guest
60. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
61. What's Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
62. Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
63. Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
64. Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
65. Fade by Robert Cormier66. Guess What? by Mem Fox
67. The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
68. The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
69. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
70. Lord of the Flies by William Golding
71. Native Son by Richard Wright
72. Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women's Fantasies by Nancy Friday
73. Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
74. Jack by A.M. Homes
75. Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
76. Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
77. Carrie by Stephen King
78. Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
79. On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
80. Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
81. Family Secrets by Norma Klein
82. Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
83. The Dead Zone by Stephen King
84. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
85. Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
86. Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
87. Private Parts by Howard Stern
88. Where's Waldo? by Martin Hanford
89. Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
90. Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
91. Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
92. Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
93. Sex Education by Jenny Davis
94. The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
95. Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
96. How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
97. View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
98. The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
99. The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
100. Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

Flashback Friday

2008-09-26T20:42:00.010-05:00

So I had this idea.

And I have been thinking about this for a while now. And because today was a pretty great day (the L's and I spent the day at the zoo and we had a super fab time) I thought tonight was the perfect night to start this...

Each and every Friday I am going to randomly pick a song off of my iPod and do the why's, who's, how's and whatev's. Music has always been a huge part of my life (Hi, my name is Brenda and I am a card carrying band geek and damn proud of it) and since this blog was really started for my kids as a little peek into who their mom really is, music should be a big part of this blog. I owe a big thanks to the coolest chick that I have never met, Rock and Roll Mama, for just randomly sending me a nice little email and giving me that little boost of confidence. I have just recently discovered her blog but I seriously (have you figured out how this blog was titled yet?) think she is my "sista from another mista." Even though she is all like a real writer and stuff. And I am all like just hacking my way through this.

I should preface this by saying that I have a very eclectic musical library. Don't be surprised at what's on there. Hair bands to Swing. Techno to Bluegrass. Indie to Euro Pop. It's all on there.

So today's pick...

Rock Me Amadeus by Falco

It's 1986. Summer of 1986. I'm 11 and a half. Because everyone who is 11 wants to be older and saying your 11 and a half is way better than only being 11. I have this bratty 9 year old sister. My mom makes me do everything with her. She tags along on all of our bike rides, hikes past the boyscout camp we lived next to, gossip sessions and secret picnic lunches. My mom really just sends her as a spy because she (read: Mom) thinks I am troubled and wants to make sure I am okay. I am not troubled, I am just not like every other kid and not like the kid my mom wants me to be. Anyway. The girls and I had a secret place in the woods next to the boyscout camp called "Bubble Land." We were 11. That's what 11 year old girls name their secret place. Get over it.

Bubble Land came to be the place where I could escape all the crap going on at home. You know, a place to escape all of the 11 year old drama. That Christmas before I was given a walkman and a cassette tape of Thriller from my Uncle Bob. Gave Thriller to my bratty sister so she would leave me alone. It worked. For a little while. That walkman (which I totally still have) became my therapy. It became my window to this big world. As big of a world as an 11 and a half year old Minnesota girl can be exposed to.

Every afternoon that summer I would take that walkman (making sure I had fresh batteries) and a coke and sneak away from my sister, meet up with my friends and end up in Bubble Land listening to KQRS-FM, a station that my older uncles listened to. Scandalous for an 11 year old. And that's when this Minnesota bred, blond haired, green eyed, chubby, naive to the ways of the world, suburban girl heard Rock Me Amadeus by Falco. It was electronic, head bopping, dark and so refreshing all at the same time. I was cool and no one else my age had to know it. I was cool and I knew it.

Fast forward...

It's Spring Break 1994. I am a freshmen in college. This blonde haired, green eyed, naive, still a bit chubby but totally growing into her curves, Minnesota girl is now a Geology majoring, earthy-crunchy, Birkenstock wearing, ratty old college sweatshirt tied around her waist, rock girl. Literally.

My boyfriend (you know the one. The guy who your dad thinks is a total smart ass. The one who is trying to mack on his daughter. The one who is nothing like your dad and he will never understand. You know the one. The one you marry 6 years later.) and I are packing up Dad's truck for our Spring Break trip to Brown County Indiana for the annual Geo Club - Geode Hunt. No beach blanket bingo for this girl. We are meeting our fellow Geo Clubbers (read: heavy beer drinkers) at the park and ride for the start of our 8 hour road trip. We pull into the parking lot, blasting "Rock Me Amadeus" (get it, ROCK me Amadeus) ready for the time of our lives. Ready to be independent, ready to be adventurous, ready not to be arrested, ready to be adults. Sort of.

Fast Forward...

It's March 2005. My son has just taken his first breath a few hours before. I stare into his eyes, not quite knowing who he is or why they are going to let me take him home tomorrow. On the radio that sunny afternoon in the hospital room I hear "Rock Me Amadeus." I smile at my son, knowing that if he came from that blonde haired, green eyed, Minnesota girl, he'll be fine.

So, enjoy a little Falco courtesty of YouTube. Happy Friday!

Seriously, a fantastic giveaway!

2008-09-25T13:02:00.006-05:00

Hi,

My name is Brenda and I have an addiction. I have a serious addiction to high fashion handbags. Not an addiction that you expected from me, now is it? I don't care if it goes against everything that I am, I can't help it. I love handbags. I love them. They have me at hello, or whatever the hell that saying is.

Did I mention that I love them?

Just because I love them so, doesn't mean that I actually own many. But oh, how I love them.

I love them so much, I'll do just about anything to get one...

Handbag Planet is giving away 24 handbags in 24 hours in celebration of the October 15th launch of their new website. Go check it out and if you win, I get to borrow the bag! Share the wealth baby!

Another Not so wordless Wednesday...

2008-09-24T08:59:00.002-05:00

Wordless Wednesday doesn't work for me.

I talk way too much to not
have something to say.

This was a walk we took up to a lookout tower on Washington Island,

Door County Wisconsin.

This summer.

Dear Sleep, Oh how I miss you so.

2008-09-23T22:30:00.004-05:00

I miss sleeping, I really do.

I used to love to sleep and I was pretty good at it.

I haven't had more than a handful of restful sleeps since the L's were born.

I really want to sleep. Seriously, I do.

But between colds, ear infections, night terrors, teething and Twitter I am pretty sure I am never going to sleep like I slept before we had kids.

That makes me sad.

**photo courtesy of Google Images**

Not So Wordless Wednesday...

2008-09-17T20:54:00.017-05:00

Hi Internet, how are you? I am glad you stopped by for a visit.

How was my day you ask?

Here's me admitting that I get seriously peeved when people do this to me but I have no other way to answer you except with a question.

IS IT OVER YET?

I really needed to get some laundry done this morning so I hauled out the butcher paper rolls, crayons and turned on Noggin. Judge me if you want but I was desperate. My darling little spicy ray of sunshine, otherwise known as The Little-er of the L's was happily doing her best toddler post modern impressionist scribbles and then saw me sneak downstairs to change the load of laundry. This is what I found 2.3 minutes later...

Let me tell you people. This was real Crayola art. Not some wussy washable soap crayon poser tags.

And then this afternoon while The Little-er of the L's was getting her beauty rest, the Bigger of the L's surprised me with this...

People, I am telling you that I was home with them all day. I didn't leave them and head out to the bar. I didn't skip out for a mani pedi. I didn't lunch with the ladies. I was home all day with them.

So, how was your day?

Gonna get himself connected...

2008-09-12T14:48:00.010-05:00

Yesterday morning I was trying to get the house clean and ready for my sis to come over and watch the L's. Seriously Daddy and I had a date night planned for his 20th high school class reunion.

Yes, 20 years. I said HIS reunion. NOT mine. Not yet at least!

Anyway, as I was shoving things into closets and under the beds, you know, cleaning the house, I noticed the bigger of the little L's was out of site. In our case, OUT of site, means IN trouble. I found him downstairs on Seriously Daddy's laptop.

This is a small tidbit of our conversation...

Me - "L, what are you doing on SD's computer?"

L - "I have to email a guy."

Me - "What guy"

L- "Just a guy I know"

Me- "You know a guy and you email him?"

L- "Yeah, I need to email a guy who can buy Santa for me."

Me- "Umm, you know a guy who can buy you Santa?"

L- "Yes, mom. Geez."

Me"- "L, why do you want to buy Santa?"

L- "Because he makes all of the toys I want. If I own him, then I don't have to wait for Christmas."

Me- "Get off SD's computer. We need to talk."

_______________________________________

Here's me being slightly concerned that my three year old knows a guy that can get him Santa. What happens when I tell him to go to bed and he decides to email that guy? Does that guy know a guy who knows a guy who can take care of business? Maybe I need to start sleeping with one eye open...

Awesome-ness, Uke style...

2008-09-10T20:17:00.006-05:00

CynicalDad had a Julia Nunes cover song You Tube video on his site today. This was the first I have heard her and I am now a fan. What a voice, what a talent. And besides, could she be any cooler? This chick rocks the Uke. Where was she at this year's VMA's?

Check her out...

He'll have a meltdown. She'll have a meltdown. Wouldn't you like to have a meltdown too?

2008-09-10T13:06:00.003-05:00

Or maybe I should start having a meltdown. Or maybe I'll just blow my frickin brains out? Or maybe start drinking heavily? Or maybe start talking to my voices in a bizarre, schizo sort of way. Or maybe become a crazy cat lady. Err, or not. cats are not my thing, but I could become the crazy dog lady. Or maybe become one of those weirdo people who never look at you in the eye when they are speaking to you. Yeah, that creeps me out. The L's will then have some validation that their hard work isn't for naught. They will know what satisfaction feels like when a job is done and done well.

They are slowly sucking the life blood from our bodies. Sucker McSuckertons they are. Someone has to tell us this gets easier. Puhleeezse!

The bigger of the Sucker McSuckertons has preschool two days a week for two hours in the morning. The kicker is that we live in the Town That Time Forgot which is 45 minutes from some sort of a civilized society that houses this way to damn expensive preschool that we travel to twice a week. So this means that we have to leave the house 1.25 hours before preschool just to get there in time. So this in turn means that I have to wake up the Sucker McSuckertons an hour before they are used to getting up. Which also means that the Sucker McSuckertons need to go to bed on time so they are well rested and happy in morning.

Ha, funny joke. You are laughing with me and not at me, right?

Yesterday was said preschool day. Set the alarm for 1.5 hours pre-Sucker McSuckerton wake up, coffee made, breakfast made, dogs fed, car packed and ready to go. T- minus 10 to the wake up. No problem. We've got this. McSuckertons wake up, get dressed, down for breakfast which actually made it into their bodies and not in the dogs. Shoes on and out the door. Drop off at school, off to Mommy and Me Gymnastics for the little L. Two hours later, pick up from preschool and decided that Seriously Daddy would take us out for lunch because we were having such an easy day. Sa-weet! Just as we were finishing lunch, their heads began to spin in circles. Ahh, no problem, they will sleep in the car and we'll head to the mall and pick up some stuff we needed. Okay, so we really don't need any stuff, I just like to shop. Sleep for another 1.5 and we are at the mall.

Here's where we start loosing life blood. Letting the Sucker McSuckertons ride those little kiddy car rides that charge you and arm and a leg for a 3.4 second ride was a BIG MISTAKE. I only had enough quarters for one ride each. SECOND MISTAKE.

Dragging said McSuckertons away, the bigger one gets a sliver in his hand. Easy to get out but he is screaming like someone is popping his fiery little eyeballs out with a melon baller. Of course everyone is looking at me like I am the mom from hell. No people, I am just the mom to the McSuckertons. GET IT RIGHT WHY DON'T YOU.

Drag two screaming kids back out to the car, buckled them in the car seats and dig the sliver out. Can't do much when he is strapped into a Britax, can he? No, but he can cry, sob and snot his way home again and drag his little sister down with him.

Home finally, up on the couch, watching Max and Ruby. Sneak dinner into them, outside for a little soccer, baths and into bed.

Seriously Daddy looks at me and says "screw Weight Watchers tonight, so you want double the cheese on your burger and a side of fries?" Ummm, yep. I was totally sick after eating but it tasted pretty damn good going down.

He decompressed while watching the Brewers Game and I joined in on CynicalDad's Nameless Twitter Radio Show. Then we opened up iTunes and listened to music from back in the day when we used to be cool.

Rockstars. That's what we were. Meltdown coordinators. That's what we are. Someday I hope we can just be. Just being would be great.

Home with the Plague or Ebola or Bird Flu or maybe just a cold...

2008-09-06T10:49:00.002-05:00

So... I am home sick today. Well not really just today because I have been lucky enough to have experience with this plague for TWO WEEKS. Damn that preschool. I knew those little monkeys were bacteria ridden little germ carriers.

Seriously Daddy took the L's for the day. First stop, the Apple Orchard. Bigger L can play on the tractors and the Little-er L can feed the goats, cows, sheep, ducks, donkey, and every other animal that she has on her list for Santa this year. Then they are off to a fondue festival. What kid doesn't want to dip everything they eat? Especially if they can dip it in chocolate. Final stop. Scheels for a new pair of Keen Hikers for the Little L. She is in desperate need of a heavier duty outdoor shoe for our upcoming fall adventures.

My plan for the day? Besides self pity because Weight Watchers doesn't really want me to eat a pint or two of Ben and Jerry's, I am going to catch up on my blog reading, list some baby gear on eBay, and try to breathe through my nose. Jealous?

A little before and after...

2008-09-02T22:56:00.004-05:00

Before his first day of Preschool. A little snarky, don't you think?

After his first day of Preschool. Not so snarky now. Until tomorrow.

Not one tear shed on his part. He never looked back and two hours later wondered why I was back to pick up him up already. I shed a tear. Couldn't help but stare at him for a while tonight. What makes him tick? Who is he becoming? Destined for amazing things, this boy.

Comfortably Numb...

2008-08-26T20:36:00.004-05:00

Packing up from the water park. No naps, up to early, water park at 8:00am, on overdrive, refusing to eat lunch. We head to the Arcade while Seriously Daddy shoves a months worth of gear into his company car (hey, do you want to pay for gas in our SUV?) Hit the highway, Pink Floyd playing softly in the background. Silently high fiving each other thinking they are going to sleep like the dead until it's time for a potty break.

Not a chance in hell.

Pink Floyd cannot compete with that furry little red haired monster, otherwise known as THE DEVIL.

Elmo karaoke. The. Entire. Six. Hours. Home.

We may never be the same again.

Off to see the wizard...

2008-08-25T13:29:00.005-05:00

We're here to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard known as "The Waterpark."

The second best thing about being married to a man who travels all of the time for business is that sometimes we can tag along! (The first best thing, I get the bed all to myself a lot) Seriously Daddy is working on a few new projects and we are along for ride. Don't hate the players, hate the game, baby.

The waterpark, otherwise known as the "Wizard" is a rockstar. My kids are both napping at the same time. I am loving this.

I'll update with pictures as evidence later.

Edited to add -

I am a total looser. I forgot the camera. Ugh.

Nothin' but a G thang, baby...

2008-08-19T07:43:00.004-05:00

Grandma's coming to town today! The L's are running around the house like little crack addicts waiting for their next fix. Seriously Grandma always comes through with the goods and they know it. The Seriously In-Laws? Not so much, but we'll get there another day.

I have a full day of cleaning ahead of me, because there is no way I can let my mom in this house the way it is right now!

Tonight Seriously Daddy and I have The Bigger L's preschool parents meeting. It's hard to believe that summer is almost over.

I'll be back later with some good stories, guaranteed. Heck, I bet Seriously Daddy will want to guest post and do some venting about Seriously Grandma. She can be pretty hard on him.

Dear Little Bigger of the Little L's,

2008-08-16T19:47:00.005-05:00

To my darling, have an answer for everything, I am way too smart for you Mama, little three year old, frazy mworon,

I love you and I always will. You will never have to question that. I will be the first one to kiss your scraped knee, wipe the spills up, turn on the right cartoon, never give you a "girl colored" fork, spoon, knife or plate. I will be there to teach you to drive because God knows I am a way better driver than your father. I will be there in the front row of every swim meet, football game or band concert even if you suck. I will be the first one at the police station when you call me at 19 years old and tell me that you were "just looking around the liquor distributors warehouse..." Get it, no matter what, I will always be there, no matter what.

But in return for that unbelievable dedication to you, I am going to expect a few things to happen. Just like the Wonder Pets, we can call it team work, except that you and I are humans and not a turtle, baby duck and a hamster. Please remember that. You and I are humans and we DO NOT POOP IN THE BACKYARD.

So along with not duking it out in the backyard I am going to ask you to please stop stealing every key in the entire house. It kind of pisses me off when I am looking for the keys to the gates and they are lost in this heaping pile of chaos we call a home. At this point in your life you are only three years old. Three year old little boys are not allowed to take their mother's car keys and start the car. NOT ALLOWED. The only vehicle you are allowed to drive is your Power Wheels John Deere Tractor that Santa brought for you last Christmas. Under no circumstances can you take your sister to Target in mom's car because you need to buy another toy "all by yourself." Yep, not allowed. Not even when you say that you will buy a toy for your sister too. It's never gonna happen, dude. You can stop trying.

I would also like you to know that even though nothing will ever make me stop loving you, I am not going to make you pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner. That's just not going to happen, so you can also stop asking.

You will also need to start going to bed on time. In return for my unwavering dedication to you, I expect some peace and quiet in the evenings. Never again do I want to see you at 10:00pm asking for another dance party. When you have graduated with a PHD in Chem E from Carnegie Mellon, then we can totally have a 10:00pm dance party. But until then, it's best if you stay in bed until morning. Mmm'kay?

I am sure there will be more but I have to wrap this up because you are next to me pretending to be invisible. Dude, I am a mom and I can see everything. Even invisible fraazzy mworons. Get back to bed.

Quote of the day.

2008-08-13T09:14:00.005-05:00

"Mommy, I need you to blow on my big sausage."

Yes, I was actually cooking sausage and eggs this morning. But still...

I am pretty sure that The Bigger L will be writing with Dad Gone Mad and his quest for porn spam sooner than later.

I just wanted the windows open...

2008-08-12T08:54:00.002-05:00

We have this house. It's a big old house. It's a really old house. It's a house that "had potential" when we bought it. It's a really old house with a lot of character. It's a house that has been a pain in our arses since the day we signed away our right to enjoy our expendable income. It's a house that was in the same family for 100 years, and then they saw us, and then they smiled all the way to the bank.

The old broad who lived here before us raised her 4 kids here, minus her hubs that died on a swimming trip in the summer of 1950. We have this old house and I am pretty sure it's haunted, but I'll prove my theory in another post. The crazy old lady who owned this house before she croaked didn't like things, period. I am pretty sure she was the crazy old lady who yelled at the neighborhood kids and they dared each other to knock on her door Halloween night. You know the type. In fact in the last 3 years that we have lived here, we have only given out a handful of Halloween candy and we live in the middle of town. But anyways, getting back to the windows...

It seems to us (the suckers who bought this house) that the weird old lady paid someone to CAULK. ALL. OF. THE. WINDOWS. SHUT. Yes, that's right. Every freakin' window. Not one window, storms or actual window, was able to open in this damn house when we purchased it. Even the lovely home inspector that we paid good money for his useless opinion failed to mention the fact that there wasn't one window in this big ass house that could be opened without a heck of a lot of swearing and a few outbursts from yours truly about wanting a divorce if Seriously Daddy wants to buy another "character home." So now three years later, after sinking about $60,000 into this damn house, we now have a beautifully remodeled Victorian home (in a town that sucks, but it doesn't suck if you are interested in purchasing this lovely home) with about half of the original windows that are functional. Don't even ask why we didn't/don't just replace the windows because I will gladly tell you that we are broke and have no more money to put into this house right now and not one of these stupid windows are a normal size. Three stories of windows times all custom sizes, you do the math.

This past weekend was absolutely beautiful outside and I really wanted to turn off the air and open the windows (funny, just keep on laughing) but the windows downstairs were still sealed shut. So I decide to sweet talk Seriously Daddy into getting the pry bar out and working on the front windows. He, being the manly man that he is actually got the windows open and trotted off to the garage to find the screens. HA, FUNNY JOKE. No screens for the windows but he did find an entire garage loft secret room full of huge screens for our huge front porch, complete with doors and the lots. Bonus!

We put the L's down for a nap and cut half of the garage attic floor out and Seriously Daddy starts to hand me the screens down for the porch so we can see what kind of condition they are in. I probably need to clarify that these screens on average are about 10' x 10' panels. Big. Big and dirty. Big and dirty and sometimes full of dead rodents. Big and dirty and sometimes full of dead rodents that sometimes fell on my head. Seriously.

Fast forward.

We put the entire set of screens up and then decided that they all should be re-screened, painted and the entire porch should be repainted. So now we are 5 days into another *@#**&# house project when all I wanted was the windows open.

Welcome to da crib!

2008-08-11T15:23:00.002-05:00

Nice, huh? Huge thanks to Cynthia at NW Designs for all of her hard work. I have lots of stuff to move around and reorganize but right now I am up to my ears in crabby, over tired kids and a mountain on laundry to fold. More to come...

These are the Jaws of our Lives...

2008-08-05T20:42:00.005-05:00

The little-er of the L's seems to be in some freakish biting stage. She is a man eater and I think she kind of likes it. The entire Seriously Family went to the grocery store on Sunday. $298.00 later we left with a helluva lot of food and a few thousand bite marks on the bigger L's arms. We had the luxury of using the ginormous race car carts in which the L's were driving. You know the ones. They are the semi tractor trailer sized carts that are impossible to maneuver through any store that offers them to parents with the word SUCKER tattooed on their foreheads. Yah, that's the one. Little-er L would lean over from her side and take a chunk out of her older brother's arm and then laugh like she was Hannibal Freakin' Lecter. I should have offered her a bottle of Chianti for cripes sake. The little bigger L would then cry and hit her, like any three year old would. So what did we do, tell him to knock it off or we were leaving. Yes, we now know that threats don't work with three year olds who have just been cannibalized and we realize that somewhere SuperNanny is laughing her silly little British ass off at us.

How can we punish him for hitting her when it was just self defense, right? But alas, the shitty parents that we are, we expected him to know better blah, blah, blah. The little-er L is frankly still to small and mush brained to understand any sort of punishment, so for now I guess she is getting away with it. Maybe this is just payback for the first few months of her life when the little bigger L would sneak up and smack her right on her head when she was nursing. Payback can be a bitch young man.

See, I told you we were not in line for any parent of the year award.

So I've got some new digs coming. Cynthia at NW Designs is pimping me out a new blog and I am so excited, it's going to be great! Stay tuned for the update.

It finally happened...

2008-08-02T07:52:00.004-05:00

It happened.

It finally happened.

The day I have dreaded since her birth.

The day I prayed that she would never grasp the concept.

The day she learned that...

Her diaper is removable and she can do it all by herself.

And I have the picture to prove it...

She is a disgusting little creature.

I am so proud that she discovered a new skill, but I still think she is disgusting.

I hope her future husband never becomes aware of her talent.

It's 10:00pm, do you know where your dishes are?

2008-07-31T21:57:00.006-05:00

Mine are in the kitchen sink.

Why is it that once the kids go to bed, I accomplish nothing, nada, not a damn thing?

Could it be the fact that I rarely sit down during the day? Could it be that the L's get so filthy dirty that they need to change clothes several times a day and all I do is wash those darn clothes? Could it be that when the L's first met after the female one shot out of my va-jay-jay (yep she shot out - 0 to 10 in 20 minutes, but that's a whole 'nother story) they decided to never eat, play, wake or sleep at the same time? They pinky swore to each other that they would drive me to the brink of insanity and then pull me back in by pretending to like each other and then see how far they can push me once again. Could it be the fact that the littler of the L's bites the bigger L every time she sets her devilish little eyes on him?

Yeah, probably.

I wonder how many Weight Watcher Activity Points I get for doing the dishes?

Loving the Bloggy Giveaways Carnival!

2008-07-29T09:12:00.003-05:00

Check out this giveaway!

LaLa girl is giving away a brand spankin' new Combi Trevi Twin stroller! Sa-weet! Enter now at Lalagirl.org

Good luck!

Woo hoo they are sleeping, party of... three?

2008-07-28T20:08:00.010-05:00

Seriously Daddy and I have this little guilty pleasure in which we describe that time of the night when we know that L&L are fast asleep and we have at least 3 hours of un-interrupted-ness ahead of us. We can only usually guarantee 3 hours because neither the little bigger L or the little-er L continually sleep through the night even though they are both fully capable of the task but that a whole 'nother post.

So getting back to our guilty pleasure....

The Woo Hoo they are sleeping party! The Woo Hoo they are sleeping party usually starts with Seriously Daddy making a trip across the street to the little corner establishment for some really bad for us food and adult beverages. We sit in the dark kitchen, eat, drink and usually watch a corny movie. This little party of ours has gone on a few times a month since the little L joined our family. It has been ours and only ours. Until now.

The bigger of the little L's is on to us. He knows our secret and he won't let us forget it. Seriously, just so you are aware, this means we cannot even outsmart a THREE YEAR OLD! Yeah, we are total losers. I am pretty sure the bigger of the L's can now judge by our moods when we are planning a "WHTAS party" and how he plans to crash it.

Last night was one such event. Dinner, play time outside, bedtime snack, baths, pj's, book and bedtime and high fives for the "WHTAS'ing party." Seriously Daddy sneaks out the backdoor for the goods, I tip toe down the stairs being ever so careful to avoid the creaky spots in the dark and not even a minute later I hear "Seriously Mom, did you think I wasn't coming?" "What did Dad order for us?" This is when my head hit the counter in a big ::THUD::

We three ate, drank and watched Max and Ruby like rock stars.

Our "Woo Hoo they are sleeping party" has now become "Pity Party, party of two and Woo hoo I am not sleeping you suckers, party for one."

Godspeed Professor Randy Pausch

2008-07-25T15:05:00.005-05:00

Carnegie Mellon University Professor Randy Pausch died this morning. Our thoughts and prayers are with his wife, children, family and friends. Although I have never met this amazing man in person, he has influenced my life more than anyone would know. Thank you for being such an amazing inspiration, Dr. Pausch.

today's rant - cell phones and my love hate relationship...

2008-07-24T18:13:00.007-05:00

Need to vent...

I have an absolute love/hate relationship with cell phones. I couldn't live without my phone but being that I spend the majority of my days with a 16 month old and a 3 year old, I don't use my phone very much. I will admit however, that I have a little love affair with Twitter going on. But I digress...

My darling husband however has a phone attached to his ear 24/7. I understand that because of his line of work his cell phone is an essential part of his money makin' arsonal but damn, does he have to talk on it ALL THE TIME? Why is it that our society has become so used to immediate contact that a simple question cannot wait 5 freakin' minutes for an email or God forbid, talk to someone face to face? There is nothing that drives me crazier (okay there are a lot of things that drive me crazy, hence my need for therapy) than someone walking around mindlessly chattering away on a cell phone. Don't you have a purpose in life? If not, get one and stop allowing Joe Q. Public to listen to how your boyfriend blah, blah, blah or your wife is making you blah, blah, blah.

GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY!

So not that I went off on a tangent or anything.

I've got my spine, I've got my Orange Crush...and I've got the house to myself!!!

2008-07-20T20:53:00.007-05:00

That's right, I've got the house to myself! L&L are in Iowa visiting Grandma and Papa and Seriously Daddy is somewhere down south trying to make some more moola. I've got the NEW iPod jamming some REM, the frozen sangria is in the fridge (thanks Kate!) and Frankie and Ernie are loving the special attention. Not to worry though, I do have a huge "Mommy do" list...
-hire a painter for the back of the house (you're welcome Seriously Daddy)
-clean out Little-er L's closet (if you don't hear from me in a few days call for help)
-mow the grass (you're welcome again SD)
- sell as much crap as possible on Craigslist (anyone need baby clothes?)
-plant the front flower beds
-shampoo the area rugs
-give the smelly beasts a bath
-catch up on the mountain of laundry in the basement (can't wait)

Yeah, that's just a sample of the stuff I have to catch up on my little vacation from mommyhood.

How fair is it that this is what I call a vacation? Nobody told me about this BEFORE I had kids. Where was the class on what is would be like when you barely have time to pee, let alone do anything but keep your kids from killing themselves on a daily basis?

That could be my ticket to millions. A real life mommy class. "Welcome to the jungle baby, we've got fun and games..."

Home, home on the range...

2008-07-14T10:29:00.009-05:00

As much as I hate where we live, I have to say that it is nice to be home again. Camping with a three year old and a one year old leaves little to be desired. We had a great time with our friends and as much as I love to camp, it certainly wasn't a vacation for me. Tick Checker, Poison Ivy Patroler, Bug Sprayer, Fire Marshall, Bedtime Warden, Life Jacket Officer are all titles I got to wear this weekend while Seriously Daddy got to fish. Nice, huh?

Yeah, that's all I am going to say about that.

We hiked Piers Gorge and watched the whitewater rafters going by. We rode the steam train in Leona (hey, you do what you gotta do to entertain the troops when they are little.) We had a lot of campfires, Pudgy Pies and S'Mores. It was a great time with great friends and my hope is that the L's grow up loving the outdoors as much as their dad and I do. What little boy wouldn't love to pee in the woods but here's hoping that his sister can deal too!

Remind me to tell the IPOD story. It deserves a post all to itself.

We're off like a cheap hookers clothes...

2008-07-10T10:48:00.004-05:00

After a week of packing, packing and more packing, we have enough gear to survive the next apocalypse. This is just some of our stuff and Seriously Daddy wanted me to add a disclaimer...

The good beer is already packed and yes, he does know that he needs to paint the back of the house this summer.

I am not sure if I want to bring the devil child though...

Whatcha think. Scary isn't it?

In one door and out the other!

2008-07-08T21:28:00.006-05:00

Home from one vacation just in time to do some laundry, repack and head out for our annual summer camping trip!

We took the monkeys to a little waterpark for the fourth of July holiday, promising the little bigger L that we would "do the fire booms" on our camping trip so he was more than happy to miss the holiday festivities and head out to the waterpark. The little-er L is still too young to really appreciate the 4th and besides, it's a helluva lot easier for me not to have to deal with a screaming baby and two wimpy dogs when the fireworks start. We had a 2 hour drive and for about 118 of the 120 minutes we were in the car, I heard "Are we there yet" "Is this the waterpark?" "Man, this is for sure far far away." "Mommy, tell dad to drive faster." "Is THIS the waterpark yet?" Thankfully, there was vodka on the other end. So after unloading the goods, we checked into our room. Not 15 seconds later, The little bigger L was in his suit and wondering just what was taking us so long to get ready. Little-er L was tired and was in a mood so she and I mostly just watched Seriously Daddy trying not to let little bigger L drown! It has been officially decided (or as official as I get) that little bigger L has to get into some sort of organized swimming lessons. That kid o' mine has no regard for the fact that he doesn't really know how to swim and that he could DIE if he doesn't concentrate on what he is doing. That kid needs some real skills. Watching him at the waterpark should be pure joy but I was constantly telling Seriously Daddy to "go get him" and gasping in terror as I pictured him drowning. Now, let me just say that both Seriously Daddy and I were certified Red Cross lifeguards in our previous life and are extremely comfortable in and around water but our first born is sure that he knows more than us. I am hoping that "a teacher" will set him straight. Anyway, it was a fun time even if Little-er L was up at 5:30am prying my eyes open while simultaneously saying "ni night mama." Not cute. Not cute at all.

We are heading up north to the cabin for a long weekend camping trip with friends. Fishing, rafting, hiking, grilling some vittles, campfires and all around great times ahead!

Life is a highway...

2008-07-07T11:42:00.004-05:00

As the two readers of this little blog o' mine (hi Mom and Dad) know, I am a reality addict. And now I can even feed my addiction through the internet!

You have to check out Summer Mom Road Trip described on their site as "Take five moms, give them a Chevy Tahoe Hybrid SUV, add wireless internet access in the vehicle, a GPS system, cutting-edge cameras and video recording technology, video games, music, gasoline, hotel stays, food, mainstream media covering the road trip on the internet & television - and see what happens as these hilarious and irreverent women drive coast to cost, picking up their fellow SV Moms Group Contributors and blogging it all on the road..... Seriously, you will NOT want to miss following these bloggers as they make their way across the country, from Northern Virginia to San Francisco."

I am already addicted and the trip hasn't even started yet! Does anything sound more fun than a old school road trip that gets hooked up by today's technology? Seriously fun!

What should we be rollin' in?

2008-07-03T21:57:00.011-05:00

So Seriously Daddy and I have had this huge thing between us since we were young and not yet sleep deprived. We disagree about vehicles. Seriously Daddy is a pretty handy guy and has no problem driving a vehicle that is less than new and has never really put much value on material things. I, on the other hand, am a total spend-a-holic, materialistic, wannabe baller and Seriously Daddy has the great difficulty of keeping me to a budget (ugh, that word makes me choke.) Basically Seriously Mama wants a new car every few years. (Yes, I am aware that Clark Howard is rolling his eyes at me right now.) I have always been a bit of a worrier and the thought of being stuck on the road with two little kids and two big dogs doesn't really appeal to me. What in the hell would I do? Not that I am a wuss or a total girly girl but damn, what a pain in the arse to figure out that dilemma. So I have always wanted to drive a newer car, one that I never have to worry about. The other problem is that I have always been a big SUV girl. Suburbans, Expeditions, Tahoes, oh my. Combine the two problems and you get one hell of an expensive vehicle, made even more expensive by the fact that gas is now $8,000,000.00 per gallon. Now after driving my Expedition for the last 3 years we are heading towards the 100,000 mile mark which is my absolute deal breaker. After a lot of convincing :wink wink: Seriously Daddy has agreed that it is time for a new family vehicle. Do we bite the bullet and buy the big SUV that we can all fit in (parents, kids, dogs, camping gear) and only be able to afford to drive it once a month or do we look for something more in the mini van genre? No offense to all of you mini van drivers out there of course, I am just seriously not ready to go there. The brat in me still wants the Suburban. So what if we only drive it around the block once a month, right? The rest of the time I'll push the Mountain Buggy I guess. God knows I need the exercise.

Free gas!

2008-07-01T22:53:00.005-05:00

Yes, I said free gas and no, not the kind that comes from the rear of Frankie and Ernie. Wisconsin Mommy is doing a free BP gas card giveaway! How cool is that?

Oh no he dinit...

2008-07-01T20:19:00.005-05:00

Ummm, oh yes he did.

{I knew there was a reason I started this blog. The internet is a way better place to document this act rather that a sweet little baby book.}

The little bigger L came into the kitchen with out any pants on this afternoon and after a few seconds of contemplation on my part, I realized what he did. He pooped, duked it out, floated a boat, layed a turdle in the pond, however you want to describe it, he crapped in the backyard! I quickly tried to clean him up and raced out to the backyard to clean up the deposit only to find that Ernie had already cleaned it up if you know what I mean. Fun times.

Can someone tell me how to explain to a three year old little boy that only Frankie and Ernie are allowed to poop in the backyard? Telling him that animals go outside but people go on a potty isn't jiving with Captain Chaos.

My little man also decided that he didn't want my input at bedtime. He fell dead asleep (nekkid as a jay bird) on the playroom floor at 7:00pm tonight!

Today's funny things...

2008-06-29T19:27:00.008-05:00

From the bigger of the little L's -
"Mommy, are you married?"
My reply -
"Yes baby, I am married to Daddy."
Little bigger L's reply-
"Oh, I guess I can still love you."

From Seriously Daddy-
"I think my Poison Ivy is back."
My reply-
"When is the last time you have had Poison Ivy"
Seriously Daddy-
"I got it working at camp."
Note to readers - Seriously Daddy and I met at camp in 1992. He hasn't worked at camp since 1992.
My reply-
"I'll give you some anti - itch cream for your phantom Poison Ivy outbreak."

Can I just?

2008-06-29T18:47:00.011-05:00

Can I just say how much I adore Keen kids shoes? I have my eye on these for the little-er L...

and these for the bigger of the little L's.

Sooo cute for summer sneakers! Love, love, love them. Is selling $100.00 bucks worth of baby stuff on Craigslist worth it? Ummm... yep, totally.

Funny things...

2008-06-28T21:01:00.006-05:00

In my new effort to start documenting the funny things L&L do an a daily basis I am going start a daily log of the funny comments. Today's are...

"Mama, I am soooo schirsty (thirsty) for popcorn."

"Mom, I can't tell you thank you because I am too shy..."

Even though many times today I wanted to run out of the house screaming for Calgon to take me away, L&L continue to melt my heart every minute of every day.

It's raining it's pouring, let's play baseball!

2008-06-28T20:37:00.012-05:00

What does every three year old want to do when it is raining outside? Play baseball of course! Seriously Daddy has high hopes that his spawn will be a highly paid left hander for the Brewers.

The little-er L just had fun playing in the mud and swinging in the rain.

Even Ernie and Frankie got into playing in the rain...

Seriously scary weather...

2008-06-27T21:40:00.006-05:00

We have had an absolute outbreak of mosquitoes in the last few days. It's been totally impossible to play outside so I have been trying to keep the kids busy with errands, haircuts and other little shopping trips. Tonight we had an early dinner and headed to the grocery store. $223.00 and 2 hours later we were home again. After a few Goldfish snacks the kids were asleep and I got a phone call from my mom in Iowa. They were hit by a tornado which destroyed the Rainbow Play System they had just bought for the kids. This thing is/was seriously huge and it's hard to believe that it is smashed into little pieces. The lawnmower was also thrown across their property. Thankfully their warehouse, house, cars and camper were untouched. I haven't told Little Big L yet because I didn't want him to be scared but man the weather this year has been unreal!

On an unrelated note, Little Big L got a haircut today. So cute! He is becoming such a little man.

Is it bedtime yet?

2008-06-26T20:32:00.004-05:00

Can I just start by saying that I used to love to sleep and since becoming a mother I don't think I have slept through the night in 3.5 years. I miss sleeping.

Little Big L has never been a great sleeper. Since birth he wanted to nurse all night long. As a first time mom, I just went along with it and never got him used to a good sleeping schedule. The labor and delivery nurse was right when she told me "Congratulations on your first baby, he will be just for practice, your next one will be for fun." Little Big L will forever be my little guinea pig, I guess.

We are having a heck of a time trying to get Captain Chaos to go to bed on time. Trying for an 8:00pm bedtime seems like a good idea right? But like every three year old, Little Big L is using every excuse imaginable to delay it. "Mama, I am soooo hungry." "Mom I need a drink." "Mommy, I just want to lay by you because I love you..." Tonight I haven't given in yet but we are only at the 5th time returning him to his room. We'll see. SuperNanny, where are you??? Little Little-er L onother hand has always been a really good sleeper until her teeth started coming in. Even as a new born she would nurse every few hours but basically stay asleep. She was sleeping 4 hours at a time at only a few months old. Now she is up 2 or 3 times a night yelling for me and the bags under our eyes are becoming permanent. Will we ever sleep again???

Thanks to Seriously Daddy for fixing the washing machine so I can do a few more loads of laundry tonight. Ugh. Good thing I DVR'd the new season of Shear Genius!!