Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I just wanted the windows open...

We have this house. It's a big old house. It's a really old house. It's a house that "had potential" when we bought it. It's a really old house with a lot of character. It's a house that has been a pain in our arses since the day we signed away our right to enjoy our expendable income. It's a house that was in the same family for 100 years, and then they saw us, and then they smiled all the way to the bank.

The old broad who lived here before us raised her 4 kids here, minus her hubs that died on a swimming trip in the summer of 1950. We have this old house and I am pretty sure it's haunted, but I'll prove my theory in another post. The crazy old lady who owned this house before she croaked didn't like things, period. I am pretty sure she was the crazy old lady who yelled at the neighborhood kids and they dared each other to knock on her door Halloween night. You know the type. In fact in the last 3 years that we have lived here, we have only given out a handful of Halloween candy and we live in the middle of town. But anyways, getting back to the windows...

It seems to us (the suckers who bought this house) that the weird old lady paid someone to CAULK. ALL. OF. THE. WINDOWS. SHUT. Yes, that's right. Every freakin' window. Not one window, storms or actual window, was able to open in this damn house when we purchased it. Even the lovely home inspector that we paid good money for his useless opinion failed to mention the fact that there wasn't one window in this big ass house that could be opened without a heck of a lot of swearing and a few outbursts from yours truly about wanting a divorce if Seriously Daddy wants to buy another "character home." So now three years later, after sinking about $60,000 into this damn house, we now have a beautifully remodeled Victorian home (in a town that sucks, but it doesn't suck if you are interested in purchasing this lovely home) with about half of the original windows that are functional. Don't even ask why we didn't/don't just replace the windows because I will gladly tell you that we are broke and have no more money to put into this house right now and not one of these stupid windows are a normal size. Three stories of windows times all custom sizes, you do the math.

This past weekend was absolutely beautiful outside and I really wanted to turn off the air and open the windows (funny, just keep on laughing) but the windows downstairs were still sealed shut. So I decide to sweet talk Seriously Daddy into getting the pry bar out and working on the front windows. He, being the manly man that he is actually got the windows open and trotted off to the garage to find the screens. HA, FUNNY JOKE. No screens for the windows but he did find an entire garage loft secret room full of huge screens for our huge front porch, complete with doors and the lots. Bonus!

We put the L's down for a nap and cut half of the garage attic floor out and Seriously Daddy starts to hand me the screens down for the porch so we can see what kind of condition they are in. I probably need to clarify that these screens on average are about 10' x 10' panels. Big. Big and dirty. Big and dirty and sometimes full of dead rodents. Big and dirty and sometimes full of dead rodents that sometimes fell on my head. Seriously.

Fast forward.

We put the entire set of screens up and then decided that they all should be re-screened, painted and the entire porch should be repainted. So now we are 5 days into another *@#**&# house project when all I wanted was the windows open.


Rock and Roll Mama said...

My hubs travels for work too- last fall, I though I would be all energy conscious and home-ownery. SO I bought a caulking gun and two tubes of caulk (at Tar-Jhay! Where else?) and when hubs called that night, I proudly announced that when the kids went to bed, I was going to caulk the doors and the windows.

Loong silence. Then, "Nut how will you get out?"

Hmmm. I got defensice. "People do that, don't they? Caulk their doors and stuff?"
Him: "Not if they want to get out."

The ladies at Target laughed so hard at me when I told them my reason for returning it.

Seriously Mama said...

Rock and Roll Mama - Step away from the caulking gun! I'm glad you realized the horrible, horrible mistake that could have been made. Someday you would have wanted to open the windows again and you would have been really, really pissed off! :-)