Saturday, August 16, 2008

Dear Little Bigger of the Little L's,

To my darling, have an answer for everything, I am way too smart for you Mama, little three year old, frazy mworon,

I love you and I always will. You will never have to question that. I will be the first one to kiss your scraped knee, wipe the spills up, turn on the right cartoon, never give you a "girl colored" fork, spoon, knife or plate. I will be there to teach you to drive because God knows I am a way better driver than your father. I will be there in the front row of every swim meet, football game or band concert even if you suck. I will be the first one at the police station when you call me at 19 years old and tell me that you were "just looking around the liquor distributors warehouse..." Get it, no matter what, I will always be there, no matter what.

But in return for that unbelievable dedication to you, I am going to expect a few things to happen. Just like the Wonder Pets, we can call it team work, except that you and I are humans and not a turtle, baby duck and a hamster. Please remember that. You and I are humans and we DO NOT POOP IN THE BACKYARD.

So along with not duking it out in the backyard I am going to ask you to please stop stealing every key in the entire house. It kind of pisses me off when I am looking for the keys to the gates and they are lost in this heaping pile of chaos we call a home. At this point in your life you are only three years old. Three year old little boys are not allowed to take their mother's car keys and start the car. NOT ALLOWED. The only vehicle you are allowed to drive is your Power Wheels John Deere Tractor that Santa brought for you last Christmas. Under no circumstances can you take your sister to Target in mom's car because you need to buy another toy "all by yourself." Yep, not allowed. Not even when you say that you will buy a toy for your sister too. It's never gonna happen, dude. You can stop trying.

I would also like you to know that even though nothing will ever make me stop loving you, I am not going to make you pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner. That's just not going to happen, so you can also stop asking.

You will also need to start going to bed on time. In return for my unwavering dedication to you, I expect some peace and quiet in the evenings. Never again do I want to see you at 10:00pm asking for another dance party. When you have graduated with a PHD in Chem E from Carnegie Mellon, then we can totally have a 10:00pm dance party. But until then, it's best if you stay in bed until morning. Mmm'kay?

I am sure there will be more but I have to wrap this up because you are next to me pretending to be invisible. Dude, I am a mom and I can see everything. Even invisible fraazzy mworons. Get back to bed.

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