Wednesday, September 10, 2008

He'll have a meltdown. She'll have a meltdown. Wouldn't you like to have a meltdown too?

Or maybe I should start having a meltdown. Or maybe I'll just blow my frickin brains out? Or maybe start drinking heavily? Or maybe start talking to my voices in a bizarre, schizo sort of way. Or maybe become a crazy cat lady. Err, or not. cats are not my thing, but I could become the crazy dog lady. Or maybe become one of those weirdo people who never look at you in the eye when they are speaking to you. Yeah, that creeps me out. The L's will then have some validation that their hard work isn't for naught. They will know what satisfaction feels like when a job is done and done well.

They are slowly sucking the life blood from our bodies. Sucker McSuckertons they are. Someone has to tell us this gets easier. Puhleeezse!

The bigger of the Sucker McSuckertons has preschool two days a week for two hours in the morning. The kicker is that we live in the Town That Time Forgot which is 45 minutes from some sort of a civilized society that houses this way to damn expensive preschool that we travel to twice a week. So this means that we have to leave the house 1.25 hours before preschool just to get there in time. So this in turn means that I have to wake up the Sucker McSuckertons an hour before they are used to getting up. Which also means that the Sucker McSuckertons need to go to bed on time so they are well rested and happy in morning.

Ha, funny joke. You are laughing with me and not at me, right?

Yesterday was said preschool day. Set the alarm for 1.5 hours pre-Sucker McSuckerton wake up, coffee made, breakfast made, dogs fed, car packed and ready to go. T- minus 10 to the wake up. No problem. We've got this. McSuckertons wake up, get dressed, down for breakfast which actually made it into their bodies and not in the dogs. Shoes on and out the door. Drop off at school, off to Mommy and Me Gymnastics for the little L. Two hours later, pick up from preschool and decided that Seriously Daddy would take us out for lunch because we were having such an easy day. Sa-weet! Just as we were finishing lunch, their heads began to spin in circles. Ahh, no problem, they will sleep in the car and we'll head to the mall and pick up some stuff we needed. Okay, so we really don't need any stuff, I just like to shop. Sleep for another 1.5 and we are at the mall.

Here's where we start loosing life blood. Letting the Sucker McSuckertons ride those little kiddy car rides that charge you and arm and a leg for a 3.4 second ride was a BIG MISTAKE. I only had enough quarters for one ride each. SECOND MISTAKE.

Dragging said McSuckertons away, the bigger one gets a sliver in his hand. Easy to get out but he is screaming like someone is popping his fiery little eyeballs out with a melon baller. Of course everyone is looking at me like I am the mom from hell. No people, I am just the mom to the McSuckertons. GET IT RIGHT WHY DON'T YOU.

Drag two screaming kids back out to the car, buckled them in the car seats and dig the sliver out. Can't do much when he is strapped into a Britax, can he? No, but he can cry, sob and snot his way home again and drag his little sister down with him.

Home finally, up on the couch, watching Max and Ruby. Sneak dinner into them, outside for a little soccer, baths and into bed.

Seriously Daddy looks at me and says "screw Weight Watchers tonight, so you want double the cheese on your burger and a side of fries?" Ummm, yep. I was totally sick after eating but it tasted pretty damn good going down.

He decompressed while watching the Brewers Game and I joined in on CynicalDad's Nameless Twitter Radio Show. Then we opened up iTunes and listened to music from back in the day when we used to be cool.

Rockstars. That's what we were. Meltdown coordinators. That's what we are. Someday I hope we can just be. Just being would be great.

1 comment:

Rock and Roll Mama said...

You're a rockstar, mama, and this post cracked me up. Sooo true. I know that "We've got this" feeling- that's when they getcha.