I need a Paranormal Evacuation, stat!

Get your mind out of the gutter, people. I am serious. My house is haunted and I want him, it, that thing, whatever it is, gone. Gone is what it needs to be. Stat!

This is what a little paranoid Google research will get a girl...

From Vancouver Paranormal

Apparitions: Apparitions are considered to be the image of the person that has died. For the most part apparitions are in the category of earth-bound spirits who, for whatever reason, have not passed on. Violent, unexpected deaths, guilt or simply fear of moving into the light may be key factors as to why they choose to remain here. While not always complete, (sometimes missing limbs or mass) this is the way a ghost looked when they were alive. They are reported to be intelligent and apparently can interact with us by speaking. They apparently can create odors, make sounds and move things and this is to gain your attention. As humans, we are famous for being afraid of new things. This entity is simply a human spirit who will retain the same personality they had in life. Some are nice, some are mean, but rarely are they evil, and certainly nothing like the evil entities that are born on the Hollywood screen. They are can be anywhere and if they are real then they most likely are. They can cause hot and cold spots, feelings of being watched, sounds and smells as well as disruptions with any electrical appliances; radios, TV�s, computers, washers and dryers, etc. You may even feel them touch you lightly, or hear moving furniture from another room. They will try to get your attention, and in so doing, could frighten you, but I do not believe that is their intention. Maybe they are trying to pass on a message or warning, or simply want you to know they are there. In any case acknowledge them, talk to them as you would a friend and they will be satisfied. If they frighten you, in most cases if you simply tell them they are doing so, they will stop. Always remember, they are just like us and will usually respect you as long as you respect them. Photographing an apparition is extremely rare, the dream of all investigators, and we treasure this prize!

Umm, okay. Heeelllllooo McFly, there is someone in this house and he doesn't belong here. These investigators may dream about it but so does my three year old and let me tell you, it ain't pretty.

Seriously Daddy left for yet another business trip yesterday afternoon and like clockwork, my friend from the other side appeared. I put the bigger of the L's to bed last night and not even an hour later he's crying, pointing to his closet and telling me to "tell that guy to leave." Ernie's in the bedroom growling at what seemed to be nothing and once again, L's closet light burned out. Let me tell you, this is NOT the first time this exact scenario has played out.

It's February 2006. Seriously Daddy convinces me that I should look at this big Victorian in his hometown. It's on a big corner lot, next to an empty historical Catholic church (hellllloooo, am I an idiot?) I had recently resigned from my job to stay at home with the only L at the time. Seriously Daddy was driving over an hour one way to work, and had no time to maintain the hobby farm we owned. Reluctantly I agreed and one month later we took the plunge and so far we are the first and only non family members to live in this house. It's been passed down through the generations for 105 years. Foolishly I thought that we bought into something great. *Some* remodeling and we would be living in this amazing Victorian, yada, yada, you idiot. Me = idiot, not you. $70,000.00 later we are still remodeling. Sorry for the tangent...

The last owners of this house were the children of the formal owner. She died (in a nursing home thank you very much) two years before we bought this house and her kids were caretakers of the property. Their dad died in the 1950's of a broken neck. He was swimming in a local lake, dove in and broke his neck. (Are you starting to put the pieces together???) The lady, you know the one. The one who had ALL. THE. WINDOWS. CAULKED. SHUT. Yeah, that one. She stayed here and raised her five kids, died and the kids none of which still live in the Town That Time Forgot, sold it to us.

March 2006, we decide to gut this entire house. Late one night I was here alone painting one of the upstairs bedrooms and see something out of the corner of my eye. I see someone walk down the hallway. A 50 something man wearing a dark suit. Thinking that the non stop Sonic Youth and latex paint smell was getting to me, I packed up and headed back to our "old house."

June 2006 we are finally able to move in here. The only L at the time gets the big back corner bedroom. He's 15 months old and still sleeping in his crib. Night after night he wakes up crying, points to his closet. Once L started talking he says "guy guy" while pointing towards his closet. At this point I am starting to think there really is *someone* here.

Episodes like this continue to happen for the next few years. Several times I have felt the presence, or seen something that I know isn't quite right. At night when I run on the treadmill I see a big cat jump down from the built in bookcase. I've seen it several times and let me tell you, there is no live cat here. Just ask Frances Bean and Ernie. And poor Ernie, he spends the nights growling at strange things I can't hear or see. When Levi has a bad night, Ernie lays between his closet and the bed. Believe me now???

I am sure by this point you all are thinking that I am in dire need for a refill on some Lithium but let me tell you, I am being totally serious. Seriously serious.

Fast forward to last night...

L #1 is crying, telling me "Tell the guy to leave. I just want to go to sleep." The closet light has burned out again and Seriously Daddy just replaced it a few weeks ago. I am trying to comfort my three year old little boy while he is telling me there is someone in his closet. I walk into the closet and say out loud "Stop freaking my son out. You need to leave him alone."

If it hadn't been for Twitter, I probably would have lost my mind.

On second thought...