Club HASAY, yo. Week 10. Word.

I'm guest DJ'ing over at Casey's place, Half As Good As You. Do the Running Man on your way over there and check it. Radical.

Over the hills and through the woods...

To Grandmother's house we go....

I've finally figured out how to hook my BlackBerry up to my laptop as a modem and we've been tracking Santa on the NORAD website for the entire trip. Because of terrible weather and roads, this 9 hour trip looks like it's going to be more like 11 hours this time.

Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse Ford Expedition...

I wish you all a very merry Christmas. Enjoy your families, friends and the spirit of the season.!

Jingle all the way...

See you in a few days!

Fail

Today was a rough day in the Seriously world. More snow meant no cross country travel to Grandma and Papa's which meant two disappointed kids.

I was a grouch all day.
I yelled way too much.
I got mad at the stupidest things.
I pouted and felt sorry for myself.
I wished I wasn't a mom today.
I wanted a life that I didn't choose today.
I wanted freedom.
I wanted glamour.
I wanted me and only me today.

And I wanted Spicy Chicken from the Chinese joint up the road.

My fortune cookie...

"Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you."

Talk about a kick in the gut.

I've now got my head back on straight and some perspective.

Harsh reality. It's a meme of the worst kind...

So after being puked on all day, then having the in-laws over for a last minute Christmas get together, trying to get packed up to head to my parents house in the west-est part of Iowa possible for Christmas and getting buried alive by the the white devil falling from the sky, my bud and one of the funniest guys I have never met, Matt from DC Urban Dad tagged me for this GOTCHA meme. Harsh, dude. Harsh. Here I am in all my glory. It's is now 8:24pm. Both kids are asleep, one of which is in our bed because his room is full of monsters. I have about 463 loads of laundry to do and am on my 6th cup of coffee for the day. Don't say I didn't warn you...

This is it...

1) Take a picture of yourself right NOW!
2) DON'T change your clothes, DON'T fix your hair... Just take a picture.
3) Post that picture with NO editing.
4) Post these instruction with your picture.
5)Tag 10 people to do this..



Now who should I pass this on to?

How about...
Corina at Down to Earth Mama
Kim from Kimblahg
Wendy from Notes From the Sleep Deprived
True Confessions from a Small Town City Girl
Joe from Who's your Daddy?
Casey from Half As Good As You
Sammanthia from The Edge Of Insanity

Confessing my sins...

Can I get a witness???

Thanks to Father Muskrat for the salvation. Believe me, I need it.

A Seriously Magical Giveaway!

Disney on Ice is coming to the US Cellular Arena in Milwaukee Wisconsin and I've been given the opportunity to give away 4 tickets for the Thursday, February 5, 2009, 7:00pm performance!

Join the celebration as 65 of Disney's unforgettable characters from 18 beloved stories come to life in a skating spectacular filled with magical Disney moments you'll remember forever as Disney On Ice celebrates 100 Years of Magic! Play February 5th-8th at the US Cellular Arena. Celebrate the magic of Disney at family-friendly prices starting at $15. BUY TICKETS NOW at www.ticketmaster.com or by calling 414-276-4545. (Surcharges, handling and facility fees may apply.)

Here's your chance to see the show free!!!

All you need to do is leave me a comment and tell me about your favorite Disney movie. Are you a fan of Buzz and Woody? Does watching Lady and the Tramp bring back great memories of giggles and sleep overs? Is Lightning McQueen plastered all over your son's room or is everything Wall-E on Santa's list this year?

Want an extra entry? Post a blog entry about this contest and comment with the link.

Want another entry? Tweet about this contest on Twitter and let me know you tweeted!
Find me on Twitter @SeriouslyMama

This contest will end at 10:00pm, Friday, January 23rd, 2009. Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe and I will use random.org to pick the winner! Please make sure you leave me a way to contact you in your comments!

Good luck and I'll see you on ice!

Reason # 47,257,361 I won't be getting any Mother Of The Year Awards...

Even though I try to avoid procrastinating on a lot of things, one thing I continue to be guilty of is letting the gas in my SUV get to fumes before I refill it. Russ is usually good about making sure the tank is full if he drives it but me, not so much.

Yesterday morning was totally chaotic. Russ and the bigger of the L's headed out to preschool before 8:00am and the little-er of the L's and I headed in the opposite direction to do a few errands and then meet up after preschool for lunch and haircuts. Of course I needed gas so she and I stopped to fill up. Pulled up to the pump, turned the car off and while Little-er of the L's was happily watching Toy Story on the DVD player I dropped the keys into the cup holder along with my phone and hopped out to fill the gas tank. It was all of -4 degrees Fahrenheit outside so I was trying to make this a quick little endeavour. Filled up for $1.52 a gallon (woot woot) and turned around to hop back into the car and then had a suffocating panic tighten itself around my chest.

The doors were locked. I was locked out of my car and it was -4 outside. I was locked out of my car, it was -4 outside and my 21 month old daughter was still strapped into her car seat inside the car I was currently locked out of. Are you hearing me, people? I was locked out of the car and my baby was inside!!! After a second to stop the "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit" that was running through my brain, I checked on the Little L who was all bundled up, still happily watching Buzz LightYear and Woody bicker with each other about being the better toy (Woody totally wins in my book) and then ran into the gas station and the attendant looked at me "$38.50 please."

"My daughter, phone, wallet, car keys and my sanity are locked in my car..."

"Well how are you going to pay for the gas?"

"I need to use your phone, please. My daughter is locked in my car along with my keys, wallet, phone and sanity." Please, it's an emergency..."

"Ma'am, you need to pay for the gas..."

"Listen you small town freak, MY BABY IS LOCKED IN THE CAR. I WILL BE USING YOUR PHONE TO CALL FOR HELP AND WHEN I KNOW THAT MY DAUGHTER IS OKAY I WILL PAY YOU YOUR *$^^^@(@! $38.50..."

"Umm, okay."

With this new car came a new key code which of course I never bothered to memorize. So I called Russ and started yelling at him because of course I had to project onto someone else since there was no way this was my fault, ya know. I am aware that this is one of my things and I need to deal better but Russ is totally used to it and fairly immune to the harassment. Thankfully he remembered the numbers but not the exact order so after a few tense seconds trying different combinations the locks finally popped up and the little-er of the L's hadn't known the difference.

I grabbed my wallet and my daughter and ran back into the station and tossed the money I owed onto the counter while this small town freak decided (through her missing teeth and bad breath) to tell me what a shitty mother I was for leaving my daughter in the car while I came inside to pay for the gas in the first place.

Umm hellooooo, I had to come inside without her BECAUSE SHE WAS LOCKED IN THE CAR.

Word of advice...

When you buy a car with an outside key pad, please memorize the code or you will become more competition for me while I try and win the Worst Mother Of The Year Award.

Tragically Male?

What is with you guys? Seriously.

Why is it that when you get sick the entire world ends but if your woman gets sick it's all "Hey Babe, I know you are kinda sick but I have to go, I'll see you in a week. Oh, by the way, the kids need your undivided attention for the 16 hours a day they are awake and totally be ready to rock my world when I get home." So if you are sick I guess it's okay that the world is ending right? It's like the coming of the next apocalypse, it's when I wish you still lived with your mother because she would love shit like this. You know, just to rub it in a bit more that she knows way more than we do and only she knows how to make you feel better. Or something like that.


Okay, maybe that was a harsh stereotype for all men but it was right on for the one I live with.

Yesterday was a pretty easy going day around Casa de la Seriously. The kids stayed in their pj's all day. We skipped church, ate in the living room and layed around like broccoli all morning. I snuck out during football / nap time and walked to the town that time forgot's movie theater and watched Twilight. Yes, I have been sucked in by Edward. No, I am not a freak. But dayum Edward just has it. Oh so dark and tortured. Oh so dreamy. Not a huge fan of the movie but I have wasted $5.00 on worse things. Walked home and landed right back into vegetable mode. After the kids went to sleep last night, Russ built a fire and out of the miserable choices for available movies on Charter Pay Per View, we rock-paper-scissored our way to Jumper. I roasted some shrimp and we sat down for a little movie snack. The movie was okay but I still had a bit of a Robert Pattinson fever going on so I didn't pay much attention to it.

Went to bed and about an hour later I hear what I think the local farmer's newest heifer giving birth to twins. Cripes I had two children without pain meds and never sounded as miserable as Russ did. I am guessing he had some bad shrimp (although they were perfectly cooked and I ate the same shrimp and have been totally fine) and those pesky little buggers have kept him glued to the sewer pipes all day. Heh Heh Heh.

Yeah, I know he is sick and yep, I know it probably sucks but is it really necessary to moan like a dying moose while walking around with a blanket draped over your shoulders. Please.

Holy smokes! Do... Do you know what this is? This is... A... An Update!

I'm alive. We just hibernating away this December. Trying not to get buried in well over a foot of snow that has sprinkled down on us since Thanksgiving and the 14 inches we are currently getting. Preschool is closed today, pajamas are still on, fire in the fireplace, Christmas Tree decorated and A Christmas Story is on the boob tube for the 345th time this week. Oh, and I've totally read this book and this book and this book in the last 2 weeks. One more to go and my ADD can focus on something else. I've also been doing a weekly post over here.

I'm in love with hibernating and that's not helping my HASAY status or my DC Urban Dad's Big Hairy Holiday Fitness Challenge scores. It's totally time for a "get your ass off the couch" intervention. Seriously. Yes, I have been on plan with Weight Watcher's. Yes, I have been water cardio-ing my way through Monday nights. Yes, I have been hitting the treadmill. Yes, I have been barely doing enough to sneak by so no one notices that my motivation is wavering. Not that I am giving up by any means but I am lacking that extra little oomph that I had a month or two ago.

So come on and give it to me. Kick my ass right onto that treadmill. I have a triathlon in 9.5 months!!!

Umm, yeah. Never again...

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

We are heading to the 'rents and will be back in a few days.

See you on the flip side.

My Love Man

Him - Left on another business trip.

Me- Left to try and survive the wrath of the Buzz Kills.

Him - Called to tell me that in case of emergency, look in the glove box of my car.

Me- It's either the glove box or the box of wine sitting on top of the fridge.

I took the more responsible of the choices.

What I found in the glove box made me love him just that much more. Sixteen years ago I met a guy who I thought was the antithesis of everything I wanted. Now today I confirmed the fact that he is indeed everything I ever wanted. Do you want to know why?

In that glove box was a Banana Republic gift card with this written on the card...

"For my Skinny Vanilla Hatte..."

Do you know how hard I have worked to be called skinny? Seriously!

Guys, a sure fire way to score major points with your wife?

Turn your wife into her Starbucks drink of choice. Just make sure it's a Skinny and do not under any circumstances use the term... Grande.

Finally a Club HASAY update!

Hey HASAY remember me?

I've been here, sticking to the program and trying to keep on keeping on. What I haven't been doing is checking up on you all and for that I am sorry. My goal is to get to all of your blogs this weekend.

I weighed in at Weight Watchers tonight and I ended up with a .2 (two tenths of a pound) gain. I am not worried because I was totally on plan, workouts were awesome and I started to do some weight training. Even with a broken wrist. Hows that for dedication?

At tonight's meeting we discussed Thanksgiving survival tips and our leader gave us a recipe. It's here for the taking...

Help to get not fatter on Thanksgiving...

1- Eat a healthy breakfast. No carmel pecan sticky buns that are a family tradition for me. This year we are doing a cranberry scones recipe with a fruit salad.

2- Limit alcohol. Hard to do when I am going to mom and pop's house. I have no doubt that Russ and I will be doing shots right out of the bottle in the basement bar of my parents abode for therapy. But it's therapy and if you experienced a holiday at my parents house in western Iowa you would understand. There will be 16 people at mom and dad's. 6 of those will be under the age of 8. Thankfully they have a house big enough to hold us all and a bar big enough to hold all the therapy.

3- Drink your water. ALL DAY LONG. Keeping fully hydrated is essential for healthy weight loss. I drink at least 8 - 16.9 oz bottles per day. I know I need to be greener and get rid of the plastic bottles. Baby steps people, baby steps.

4- Portion control. 'Nuff said.

5- Try eating with nothing on your plate touching. Leaving room between foods!

Here's the Pumpkin Turtle Pie recipe they gave out in class tonight. I'm usually more of a whole, natural foods kinda girl. Not a big fan of fat free stuff but I may try it just to see what it's like.

3T Fat Free Carmel Topping
1 Reduced Fat Graham Cracker Crust
4T chopped pecans - toasted
1C fat free milk
1 3.5 oz instant vanilla pudding
1 C canned pumpkin
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1.5 C fat free cool whip

Drizzle 2T carmel topping on bottom of pie crust. Sprinkle 3T pecans on top of carmel. Set aside

Whisk milk and pudding until blended. Add pumpkin and spice, beat until blended.

Fold cool whip in to pumpkin mixture. Spread into crust.

Chill until set. Top with remaining pecans and carmel topping.
__________________________________________

I do have a pumpkin, cream cheese and kiwi pie recipe that is to die for and totally diet friendly. I'll post it this weekend...

Spin-en the bottle. Just not the baby kind.

Note to self. Do not ever take a 3 year old and a 19 month old to the toy store again alone, ever. Never ever again. And if you are stupid enough to do that, make sure there is a full bottle of therapy waiting in the special cabinet when you get home. Because you are really going to need it. Seriously.

The ever fabulous Sprite's Keeper picked Favoritism for this weeks spin. Re-posting favorite posts, as if! I love her for letting me re-post an old post and somehow I don't feel like shredding any evidence of NaBloPoMo tonight.

Who doesn't love a toddler who talks like a drunken sailor? Someday I will pay for this but I still crack up every time I hear one of my kids swear. Bad mom = me. I know it but I still live to hear them curse.

I am such a child.

So here it is. Another piece of evidence that I won't be winning any mother of the year awards...
_______________________________________

Little-er L is sleeping, Little Bigger L and I were talking about what we wanted to do this week. It was what I thought to be a sweet little down time talk. We were having a moment. You know those moments, the ones that should be written down in a baby book unless you are me who never bothered to do a baby book for either child because I suck as a mother. Someday they'll get over it in therapy. I'm not worried. So I asked the three year old little twerp if he would like to take a trip to the zoo this week. He grabbed my cheeks in what I thought would be a "oh mom, I love you" moment when instead he said to me, the woman whom gave him life, the woman who nourishes his mind and body, the woman who wipes his butt after he poops (outside or in), the woman who makes sure he doesn't kill himself on a daily basis, he said to me...

"No, I don't want to go to the zoo because you are an asshole."

Do I gasp for air, shocked that my spawn could do such a thing?

No.

I crack up laughing and spit my iced coffee out all over him. And decided to do whatever he wanted for the rest of the day because even though he has gotten his fathers looks and demeanor, the cursing? That's all me, baby. And damn I am proud.

Like the title says, Tender moments? Not so much. Methinks that certain three year old little ears have been listening to Seriously Mama talk to Seriously Daddy when Seriously Daddy makes Seriously Mama very mad.

Yeah, they are so going to need therapy some day.
______________________________________________

Here's a little Juliana Hatfield Three's Spin The Bottle for you. One of my favorites...

Things...

Ten things that have blown my mind today...

1- The little Buzz Kill slept in until 6:30am. Miracle.

2- The Bigger of the Buzz Kills woke up on his own and happily got dressed for school.

3- Got to preschool and there was no snack for the kids. The mom who signed up totally spaced and left the kids hanging. I ran to the store and saved her ass. She refused to even acknowledge the save or the fact that she was responsible for the chaos. Whatever. It wasn't a big deal but still.

4- I signed up for NaBloPoMo for a reason to post some of the things I really want to say but instead I just get these meaningless posts in at the last minute. Classy ain't it?

5- Ran on the treadmill for 60 minutes and then ate half of a homemade pizza. I am still a moron just not a hungry moron anymore.

6- Andrew Zimmern is currently eating a chowder made with Cod sperm. He is a rock star because I would have run screaming out of the restaurant by now.

7- I purchase dog food at $52.00 a bag which lasts Frankie and Ernie about 1.75 weeks. And they still fart like they did on food that was $20.00 a bag.

8- My mother. That woman may have given birth to me but I'm not sure we are related. Polar opposites anyone?

9- My single with no kids sister actually agreed to watch the Buzz Kills on Sunday so Russ and I can have some sanity and do some scouting for Santa. If she backs out I plan on breaking her skinny little, single with no kids, footloose and fancy free neck. Seriously.

10- You are still reading this?

Until tomorrow. XOXOX

Excuses, Excuses

Battery is about to die along with the idea that NaBloPoMo was a good idea. One of these days y'all are going to get a real post from me. Just not tonight.

If I have any readers left, thank you. I adore you all.

I "worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was "my" true medium, a master."

37 sleeps until my favorite day of the year.

24 hours of "A Christmas Story" on TBS starts in 38 days. I will watch close to 20 of those 24 hours. 'Cuz that's how I roll, yo. I'll watch it with the kids, I'll watch it baking the last minute goodies, I'll watch it while Santa puts the presents under the tree and then I'll watch some more.

I'll also watch it while my precious little girl says "Oh Shit" for the eleven millionth time in front of anyone and everyone. Because her mommy tends to talk like a drunk sailor.

Someone give me a time out. I triple dog dare you...

Whatever Dude...

I took my new wheels for a ride this morning and ended up at Target. I know you are jealous of my rock star life but try and control yourself. I ended up at Target with all the other rock stars, okay?

Like every other rock star, I picked the never ending checkout line. In front of me was a guy that I would guess was in his 50's. We chatted about the weather, the slow cashier, etc. Then out of the blue this dude I have never seen before says this to me...

"You know I think you are really cute but those glasses really look terrible on you."

Whatever Dude. I hope you are really 35 and just look 50.

And the winner is...

Since I wanted to be fair and impartial, Eeny Meeny, Miney, Moe and I decided to hit up random.org for the lucky winner of one jar of wrist breakin' sun dried tomatoes and a $20.00 pick me up gift card from my savior, Starbucks!

A little copy and paste and here we are.

Random Integer Generator
Here are your random numbers:10
Timestamp: 2008-11-15 01:41:39 UTC

And lucky number 10 belongs to...

V @ www.Rotormommy.blogspot.com

V's comment was -

Here's 2 for ya.One night while drinking at home I went to use the bathroom. Instead of turning on the light I decided to use the small nightlight. I stood up a little too quick and as soon as I got my pants up I fell into the door and gave myself a concussion.

The second was I was in middle school down the hall one day and out of no where fell and twisted my ankle. Normally this isn't a big deal but in that time I somehow turned my ankle just right to twist a piece of bone onto a nerve. They found this 6 months later and I ended up having surgery to remove the piece of bone. I was then in a cast up to my knee for 6 weeks. All because of a twisted ankle!

I loved to hear that I am not the only one who is injury prone for no good reason! And I happen to know that V's husband could probably do something fabulous with the wrist breaking jar o' tomatoes and not break his wrist while trying to open it. But be warned, it's a really hard jar to open. Seriously.

So V, email your info to me - seriouslymama at gmail dot com and I'll get this shipped off to you lickety split!

Don't say I didn't warn you...

Answer me this...

NaBloPoMo is killing me. I have no less than 5 posts half done and trying to type with this damn splint on my wrist is nearly impossible.

I do have a few questions that need some answers though.

1- Why do car dealerships treat everyone like they are idiots? So they really think I am not going to notice when they try and push a $55,000.00 Suburban on me and tell me the payments will be "around" $400.00 per month. Dude, this is just basic math. Spew your crap at someone else. I am not an idiot. Yes, I want the new Suburban but I also want a new house. Sorry, you lose and the guy who's willing to sell me a 2008 with 11,000 miles on it for A LOT less wins.

2- Who give a flying %$#& that the pregnant man is pregnant again? He is a she and she's can get knocked up. It's all in the uterus baybee. And he/she's got one.

3- Vanilla Ice is back with a new album. An album of hip hop and rap classics. What do you think. Had been a hasbeen or still a hasbeen? It's no secret I love "Ice Ice Baby" but is it really necessary to try again?

4- Fancy private sports club membership that includes kiddy care or home equipment?

5- Beer, liquor or wine?

6- Creamy peanut butter or chunky? This is an argument we have daily in the Seriously House.

7- Warrant's Cherry Pie or Poison's Talk Dirty To Me?

8- Open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning?

9- If it's broken. Fix or buy new?

10- Kimmel, Leno or Letterman?

Girls Rock!

Go here.

Watch this.

And always support your pig tailed little rock and rollers...