Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Dr. Knuckles

This girl and this guy meet in 1992 and after two years of "we're just friends" they finally fall madly in love. This guy and this girl get married in 1999 not because she wanted to wait that long but because it took him way to long to ask. This guy and this girl find themselves with a bun in the oven in 2004. This guy and this girl spend the next eight weeks freaking the hell out and wondering just what they got themselves into.

This guy and this girl walk into this OB office when this girl was eight weeks pregnant and puking her guts out with this guy's demon seeded spawn inside her womb. This guy and this girl meet a doctor. A doctor who came highly recommended by the this's friends. A doctor who would soon be expanding his practice and hiring two new doctors. One of his new hires would be an rockin' awesome, earthy crunchy, mom of two and the other? The other was a ex-marine, hard ass, father of four, military OB who was back in the states after serving his country and delivering babies in third world countries for twenty years.

Guess which OB got assigned to this girl and this guy's pregnancy? Umm, no. The other one.

This girl thought "Hey, what the hell, I'll give him a chance to overcome his reputation and then kick him to the curb." "How bad can one visit be?"

So this girl brushes her teeth, tries to zip up her jeans that are way too close to not fitting, tried to button her shirt that is definitely not going to button, and heads out to her first appointment with Dr. Reputation. Upon arrival at the office this girl gets the lowdown on what happens at every visit. You know, the cup??? This girl gets into the exam room, praying that she doesn't barf in the waste basket. Finally the moment this girl had been waiting for. This girl meets this doctor.

"Hmm, not bad. Friendly, not bad looking, nice handshake. No overt weirdness. Seems intelligent and has a ton of experience." "Definite possibility."

So this girl, this guy and this doctor begin their relationship. There are freak out questions in the middle of the night, there are monthly weighs and measures, there are budding bumps, there are bumpity bump heart beats checks. There are ultra sounds, there are non stress tests. Maternity clothes and yoga pants. There are cute flats and there are clogs. Skips of excitement turn into waddles of wonder.

Thirty eight weeks after this guy and this girl find out about their little experiment they meet this doctor at the hospital. This girl is ready for this baby to be out of her and this doctor says it's time.

This girl's body isn't quite ready to have this baby so this doctor decides to help this girl along a bit. This doctor decides he is going to do a little strippin' o' membranes to this girl.

This girl finds out the hard way that this doctor has hands as big as a gorilla. Seriously.

"Brenda, this may be a bit uncomfortable for a minute."

"Holy F#^$*%) C)#*$@. Oh (#&@#, Are you (#$&@_ )#$&@&^@? Get your damn hands out of me."

"There, that wasn't so bad. If this doesn't work, I'll do it again in a few hours."

"Like hell you will ever do that again. Get me the hell out of here. I plan on staying pregnant forever you masochistic freak."

"Wow, congratulations, your water just broke." "I'll be back later..."

"Umm, okay Dr. KNUCKLES."

This doctor, besides having hands that Jane Goodall would study, ended up being the man who would help me bring two babies into this world. I adore him, not because I too am a masochistic freak but because he was there when this girl and this guy heard their babies for the first time. He was there for the weighs, the measures, the skips and the waddles.

He was there to argue about Obama vs. McCain today too. And any guy who can argue politics while doing a pap smear? He's good with me.


steenky bee said...


steenky bee said...

Okay, was I really first? I was gagging and dry-heaving whilst crossing my legs so very tightly that my eyes were watering. Oh, dear. I am so thankful that my OBGYN is a woman with tiny hands. I want to kiss her hands now. Ew, NO I DON'T. Gross.

DeeMarie said...

My OBGYN and I talk about movies and music while he's examining me. And then he hugs me when I leave. Weird? Yeah, pretty much everyone thinks so. But he's the best, so I'm ok with it!

Daddy Joe said...

I laughed out loud at the Jane Goodall line. Hilarious!

Laufa said...

I went through the same thing. Except my Dr. was a plastic surgeon for the female under regions. So I knew he could make me a virgin again if need be. Also, his name was Dr. Zipper.

Casey said...

There used to be a nurse at my OBGYN who we all called "Mary big hands". Sounds like they had the same set of paws on them. I love my OBGYN, like LOVE LOVE her, I went into withdrawals after my kids were born since I'm only going to see her once a year now. So sad. I'm glad you have a dr you like, it makes all the difference.

Confessions of A Mississippi Mom said...

First timer, but I loved your observation on the man who has become a instrumental part of your life now, even if he has Jane Goodall hands (LOL) and I totally heart my OB Gyn he kinda looks like Larry the Cable Guy, but he has been with me through Miscarriage, and the birth of my three kids, tearing up think about him... Wow I love that man.

Any who I hope the pap turns out good for ya.

Issas Crazy World said...

I love this, except the stripping of the membranes line. But that's only because I remember it too well still. Had it done twice in one night with the boy. Got the shivers just thinking about it. :)

Anonymous said...

viagra attorney columbus buy viagra in england viagra oral can viagra causes legs to ache viagra substitute cheap herbal viagra where to buy viagra too much viagra viagra australia viagra canada viagra australia super viagra pro buy viagra in canada viagra stories

Anonymous said... is very informative. The article is very professionally written. I enjoy reading every day.
payday loans toronto
pay day loans

Anonymous said...

Meditate on Our Spiritless Prices at, The Unequalled [b][url=]Online Apothecary's [/url][/b] To [url=]Buy Viagra[/url] Online ! You Can also Concoct Pre-eminent Deals When You [url=]Buy Cialis[/url] and When You You [url=]Buy Levitra[/url] Online. We Also Clutch a Unsparing Generic [url=]Phentermine[/url] On account of Your Foodstuffs ! We Huckster Topic splotch [url=]Viagra[/url] and Also [url=]Generic Viagra[/url] !

Anonymous said...

It is useful to try everything in practise anyway and I like that here it's always possible to find something new. :)

Anonymous said...

Hi, i had my laptop about 3 weeks ago and 1 week ago i went to log into my account and after i put my password in and clicked enter it said welcome with the loading icon and just stayed like that. It did this every time i tried to log on. I could start it in safe mode. I just wiped my computer clean and started again with the disk. The same thing happened yesterday. I do not have a virus after doing scans from Mcafee and two other virus scans and they all found nothing. I have restarted my whole computer again and i am desperate to know what happened and how i can stop it from happening Again. My OS is Windows 7. Thanks [url=]santoramaa[/url]

Anonymous said...

men that women have met on online dating sites [url=]world of warcraft singles[/url] bipolar dating married dating

Anonymous said...

statement of problem in internet dating [url=]singles dances massachusetts[/url] top sex dating sites smoking personals

Anonymous said...

Hi Guys,Just registered here and looking to have a great time. I am looking for the best cash gifting program out there in the internet. Can you guide me?

Below are some sites that I found and I am not sure how much they are going to help me.
[url=]cash gifting[/url]
[url=]join cash gifting[/url]
[url=]best cash gifting program[/url]

Anonymous said...

I read a article under the same title some time ago, but this articles quality is much, much better. How you do this?

Anonymous said...

Making money on the internet is easy in the hush-hush world of [URL=]blackhat code[/URL], Don’t feel silly if you haven’t heard of it before. Blackhat marketing uses little-known or misunderstood methods to build an income online.

Anonymous said...

dover behavioral health center [url=]compazine[/url] muscle biopsy for mito disease cms medical
medical imaging kansas city missouri [url=]phenergan[/url] program quit smoking [url=]hopital beds and medical supplies[/url]

Anonymous said...

ice tea bad for you [url=]ophthacare[/url] omeprazole dosage horses using vitamin e oil
cough medicine called helps [url=]Buy Retin-A 0.02% Low prices, side effects, interactions[/url] over the counter best medicine for muscle pain [url=]canadian dental care[/url]

Anonymous said...
[url=]become a drug counselor[/url] drug urine test from my cat [url=]coumadin contraindications[/url]
drug class identification
[url=]railroad drug screening[/url] free drug wars game [url=]coreg cr patient 30 day offer card[/url]
buy generic viagra online
[url=]criminal drug or alcohol case articles[/url] drugs that interact with grapefruit [url=]depakote out of my system[/url] age of drugs allowed [url=]desloratadine picture[/url]

Anonymous said...
[url=]milton jackson brown philedelphia college of pharmacy[/url] drug didrocal pros and cons [url=]augmentin and birth control[/url]
what is the best medicine to make methaphedimen
[url=]herion drug[/url] stephenville health [url=]seafood allergies and atrovent[/url]
drug assessment in plasma
[url=]cialis canadian pharmacy[/url] how many athletes got caught with drugs in the aussie olympics [url=]avandamet recall[/url] interaction of tamoxifen other drugs [url=]buzzing sensation anxiety nerve[/url]

Anonymous said...
[url=]american association for the advancement of automotive medicine[/url] cieh advanced certificate in health and safety [url=]amoxil k clav[/url]
united supermarket pharmacy
[url=]anti aging medicine marin[/url] recept pharmacy 8th avenue fort worth [url=]allergic to smoke[/url]
medicine that treats bladder infections
[url=]drug cocfical[/url] intestinal disorders induced by drug use [url=]biological soda acidity projects[/url] viagra propecia [url=]nora study alendronate[/url]