In my ongoing attempt at becoming the way cuter - way cooler version of Martha Stewart, I decided it was necessary to force open a new jar of sun dried tomatoes.
Seriously, it was a really hard jar to open.
So hard in fact that I managed to crack a few little bones in my left wrist.
Now here I sit with a splint on my wrist for the next six weeks. Because I'm cool like that.
Your job is to entertain me. Leave a comment and give me your best version of what story I can tell people so I don't seem like such a dork. How did I break my wrist? Old football injury? Ski jumping in the Alps? Repelling down Everest? Friday Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe and I will pick a winner.
What will you win, you ask?
A jar of wrist breaking sun dried tomatoes and a $20.00 Starbucks card to use when you need an extra little ooomph in your day. Just make sure someone else opens the tomatoes for you.
Now go and make me look like one of the cool kids and not the dorky kid who broke her wrist while jamming out to Real Life's Send Me An Angel and opening a jar of sun dried tomatoes.
...and in the end
11 years ago
Posts
18 comments:
It's an old injury that keeps rearing its head. In your 2 days of incarceration, you had a little rumble with your cellmate. She came at you, you grabbed The Shining and flung it at her. Unfortnately you were a bit to close to the cell bars and smacked your hand against them. Now whenever it rains, or you try and open sun-dried tomato jars, all the pain comes back.
Please remember, I'm writing this under the influence of a whole lot of cold meds!! ;)
That is way too easy. Just tell people that Russ didn't believe you about the ghost in your closet. You got pissed when he insisted the issue was with the wiring. After his rewire didn't fix the issue and called his brother to re-wire it again, you decked him.
Honestly, I think that is what really happened and you are just protecting Russ. :)
Your kids were out of the house and your hubs was feelin' frisky. He started chasing you around the bedroom whereupon you tripped over a small toy and caught yourself with your wrist.
My mom broke her foot one time and told the ER docs a version of that same story. The doc busted up laughing and teased my dad the rest of the night. I'm sure he appreciated it!
DeeMarie may have a point there. Prison riot! All together now:
Attica! Attica! Attica!
You went fishing with Dick Cheney and he hit you with his fly-fishing pole? OMG, you seriously broke your wrist opening a jar? That's gotta be one for the record books.... congrats! And I'm so sorry.
Um...You're a ninja trained by the government to ward off an impending zombie war. Rogue zombies have infiltrated your home,pretending to share plans of their cohorts battle plans with you, but you sense something is "off" about them, other than the fact that they are zombies and they put off a bit of a zombie odor. You pretend to play along with their game, but slowly creep around, because you're a ninja, and prepare to ambush them when you notice them eyeballing your family photos. Alas, you slip on the entrails of one of them and land on your wrist. Though this could blow your cover as a ninja, you're in luck! Just as you land and cry out "OH! My wrist!" a team of fellow ninjas storm in (though silently) and defeat the zombie interlopers.
Then you all go out for dessert and a few weeks later, the President invites you to the White House and gives you medals. Medals you can't wear, because if they were to hit the metal of your ninja blade while you're attempting to sneak up on any later victim, your cover would be blown. So you frame it in a shadow box (after your wrist heals) and leave it on display in your living room. But only when your extended family isn't around, because you can't have them knowing you're a ninja assassin and blow your cover.
So you tell them you hurt your wrist opening a jar of sun dried tomatoes.
You were rockin' out to hair bands on Chag's Nameless Twitter Radio Show. You got pumped up by the music, went out to get a drink but got into a fist fight with some skank in acid washed jeans at the bar. You grabbed her by her spiral perm and smashed her head into the pinball machine when she tried to tell you Heart wasn't a hair band. After you slammed a shot of tequila and walked out, you realized you broke your wrist teaching her a lesson.
The tomatoes totally had an attitude. And you had to throw down on them. Like Veggie Tales, only violent.
Well, I do not have a clever saying for you...but I will tell you how I shattered MY wrist.
It was 1996. I was in teh ARMY. I was called to field duty (camping basically). I was put on trash patrol. I climbed onto the back of the trailer and went to toss the trash bag in. I slipped on a PAT OF BUTTER and fell 4' shattering my wrist with my kelvar helmet when I landed on it.
And I had to wear a full arm cast for 9 months afterward because of the places in the wrist (to keep the tendons in place) and it was my right wrist and I am right handed. Yep. I think slipping on butter and shattering your wrist with your HEAD is way worse than openign a jar of tomatoes.
Oh and I just thought of the story you can tell. Tell them you were car-jacked and you broke your wrist wrestling the gun from their hands!
Here's 2 for ya.
One night while drinking at home I went to use the bathroom. Instead of turning on the light I decided to use the small nightlight. I stood up a little too quick and as soon as I got my pants up I fell into the door and gave myself a concusion.
The second was I was in middle school down the hall one day and out of no where fell and twisted my ankle. Normally this isn't a big deal but in that time I somehow turned my ankle just right to twist a piece of bone onto a nerve. They found this 6 months later and I ended up having surgery to remove the piece of bone. I was then in a cast up to my knee for 6 weeks. All because of a twisted ankle!
The only things that I can think of are a little TMI. Sorry my mind is in the gutter today.
So, you could tell everyone that hubby was too tired and you took care of "yourself" :)
see...gutter!
Someone at the market grabbed your ass now that you are looking so hot from all the workouts. You decked him.
I'm not much help. I broke my thumb (I know, who does that) while moving the crib ten freaking feet. I spent 8 weeks trying to come up with a good answer, only too never find one that sounded good enough.
I don't have a thing for you. But this is from a woman who fell out of her front door backwards and broke her foot. Got the boot off after 8 weeks and proceeded to walk into some furniture and broke a toe on the broken foot.
OMG! I totally forgot about that song, it used to be one of my favorites! I'm too busy dancin', so I don't have time to come up with a decent lie.
Your husband had been pleasuring himself and you busted in on him and said, "hey, stop, that's what *I* am here for - let me give you a hand w/ that, Mr.!" and you went to town w/ your hand but you worked up such a frenzy that a few bones in your delicate little wrist just shattered with the force of his love pudding!
Ok, then again, maybe that's a bit perverse for casual acquaintances but it cracked me up to write it. ;)
You were galliantly saving your son. You were in the parking lot and someone had left one of those giant car carts unattended when a car pulled into the space in front of it causing it to roll in Little L's direction. As it approached him, you put your hand out to divert it from mowing him over and thus injured your wrist.
You are such a great mom! Seriously!
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